


Do You Know How in Love With You I Am (Please Notice)

by phantasticworks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Bubble Bath, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Phan - Freeform, Phan Office AU, Phandom - Freeform, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Smut, The Office AU, based on phanart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 21:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17856893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticworks/pseuds/phantasticworks
Summary: Based on a Phan!The Office AU drawing by @laurainlilac on tumblrDan works at a small paper company, but the brightside to this boring career is that his best friend Phil is just a few feet away at reception. The downside to this is that he's hopelessly, irrevocably in love with said best friend. Oh, and Phil is engaged, too.A short little story about best friends, being in love, and pining hopelessly after the boy you think you can't have. But, don't worry, there's a happy ending in here somewhere.Title comes from Please Notice by Christian Akridge, which I highly recommend.





	Do You Know How in Love With You I Am (Please Notice)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I saw this drawing on instagram a couple days ago and since The Office is my absolute favorite show, I just had to write something based off it. All credit for the phanart goes to @laurainlilac on tumblr, so please go follow her and check out her art, it's amazing and beautiful. (Also ty Laura for letting me use your art as a prompt u r a sweetheart)
> 
> Also, there is a (very poorly written, I apologize) smut scene towards the end. I've placed a ~ before it gets a little explicit, so if that's not something you're comfy with, feel free to skip it and pick back up after the second ~

Dan Howell was never really a fan of customer service or human interaction, but somehow here he was, working in the sales department of a small paper company and trying his best to sell paper. It wasn’t that he hated people, really. He just hated interacting with them. 

Well, that is, except for his best friend, Phil, who luckily worked four and a half paces away from Dan’s desk. Which was super convenient, if you asked him. Sitting so close to his best friend allowed him to hate his job significantly less, and whenever the woes of the corporate nightmare he was living got to him, he could just walk right over to reception and complain about it to his best friend. 

Currently, he was tossing a ball of rubber bands in the air from the comfort of his own desk, his eyes on Phil. The ebony haired man was staring at his monitor, but Dan could see how hard he was trying to hide his smile, and Dan knew that Phil knew he was staring at him. When he finally raises his eyes to meet Dan’s, the younger man raises his eyebrows, holding the ball as if he’s about to throw it to Phil. 

Phil shakes his head frantically, and Dan snickers. He’s well aware of the total lack of hand-eye coordination on Phil’s part, so he mercifully doesn’t throw the ball. Instead, he sets it back on his desk and grabs a random sheet of paper from his desk, folding it into an airplane quickly. Phil rolls his eyes, smiling as he looks back to his screen. 

“Psst!” Dan whispers obnoxiously, causing Phil to quirk an eyebrow, fully taking his attention away from his computer. 

“What?” Phil whispers back, brushing his quiff back with one hand.

Dan doesn’t respond, instead holding up the airplane craft, moving his hand as he goes to throw it. 

Chris, Dan’s unfortunate desk cluster-mate and his unofficial enemy, decides to jump in then and ruin their fun. “Uh- that’s not going to fly, stupid.” He says rudely. 

Dan raises an eyebrow at him, looking at the paper airplane in appraisal. “I dunno, I reckon it will,” He shrugs before tossing the plane, watching with only mild disappointment as it curves through the air, only to fall to the ground barely two feet away from him. 

Phil purses his lips and gives him a round of pity applause, and Dan grins as he stands, bowing slightly. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here till five.” He announces proudly as he picks up the airplane. 

Chris snorts from behind him. “Loser. Can’t even make the simplest piece of paper aircraft actually fly. Pathetic.” He snips, shaking his head as he stares disdainfully at Dan. 

Shrugging, Dan drops the paper on Chris’ desk. “Why don’t you give it a shot, then.” He suggests, quirking an eyebrow in challenge. “I mean, if you think you can do it. It’s pretty hard.” He adds. 

“Please,” Chris scoffs, snatching the paper up. “I’ll make the best damn airplane you’ve ever seen in your pathetic existence.” 

Dan shrugs, crossing over to reception, where Phil is waiting with a smile. “He’s going to make me the best damn airplane I’ve ever seen,” Dan informs him helpfully as he leans against the counter, looking down at Phil. 

Phil nods seriously. “Right. And I’m sure you’re really quite excited about that?” He laughs, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement. 

“Of course,” Dan says as if it’s completely obvious. “Can you imagine? I’ll have the best paper airplane in the world, made by our very own Chris Kendall.” 

Phil snickers, sorting through some papers on his desk. “Wow. I can’t believe you’ll be the sole recipient of such an esteemed item,” he teases, his blue eyes flickering up to meet Dan’s. 

Dan swallows hard, trying to ignore how incredibly attractive Phil is. There’s not a lot of things to do during the day as far as distractions go, but coming over to talk (or shamelessly flirt, in Dan’s case) with the office’s receptionist definitely made the days go by quicker. “I imagine you’re pretty jealous, huh?” Dan asks, tilting his head to the side and propping his chin on his hand. 

“Oh, yeah,” Phil nods, a serious look coming over his face. He sits up, tilting his head back and angling his face closer to Dan’s. “Definitely jealous,” he says quietly, nodding seriously. 

Biting his lip, Dan tries his hardest to fight his smile. Just as he starts to speak, they’re interrupted by a different voice.

“There,” Chris calls from the desk cluster he and Dan sat at. Dan and Phil both turn to look at him, and Dan nearly laughs at the pure ecstatic expression on Chris’ face. “This was so easy a stupid baby could do it,” He taunts, standing to show the airplane to Dan. 

Dan considers this before shrugging. “So, you’re saying I’m smarter than a stupid baby, so I couldn’t figure it out?” He asks, living for the way it riles up his coworker. 

“No! I was implying that you were stupider than a stupid baby. Idiot,” he seethes, shoving the airplane into Dan’s hand. 

“But, you said a stupid baby could do it. Which implies that either you are the stupid baby, because you did it, or that I’m not a stupid baby, since I couldn’t do it.” Dan explains casually, eyes on the ceiling as if he’s really considering it. He wasn’t, he just liked to wind Chris up. Phil giggles from behind him, making Dan smirk.

“No, I- just fly the damn thing!” Chris snaps in exasperation, crossing his arms and stepping back. 

Dan shrugs, lifting the plane. “Sure.” He pauses then, leaning against the receptionist desk once again. “Phil, tell me where I should try to aim this at.” He instructs, glancing over his shoulder. 

Phil stands so he can see easier over the tall receptionist desk, scanning the room, considering. “Hm. How about... oh, see if you can hit one of Chris’ bobble heads!” He says excitedly, smiling brightly at Dan. 

Dan hides a laugh, but nods. 

“Wait- no! Don’t hit my stuff.” Chris protests, reaching to take the plane out of Dan’s grip. 

“But it’s a paper airplane, Chris. It won’t hurt it.” He supplies with a shrug before aiming the airplane. 

Before Chris can protest again, Dan launches the plane, and they all watch as it goes straight for all of a foot, before plummeting down. 

“Huh. I guess you’re not a stupid baby after all,” Dan shrugs, turning to look at Phil. 

Chris, however, is much more bothered. “What? I fixed it, it should’ve worked! Dan, what did you even do?” The man demands, grabbing the plane off the ground. 

Dan raises his hands in defense. “I just launched it. I didn’t mess with it, mate.” He takes in Phil’s incredulous expression at the anger in Chris’ voice, and tries not to laugh. 

“Well, it should’ve worked.” Pushing his glasses up, Chris aims the plane and launches it himself, only to get the same results. “What?!” He all but screeches. 

Dan shrugs, patting him once on the back. “Does it have propellers?” He asks, plucking a random word associated with aircraft out of his memory, keeping a straight face as he stares at Chris. 

Phil snickers behind him, but Dan shoots him a look. 

“What- no! Of course not, it’s a paper airplane, you idiot.” Chris snaps, still fumbling with the paper aircraft. 

“Well then maybe that’s your problem,” Dan says helpfully, shrugging. 

Chris groans in frustration as Phil laughs. “Shut up. Idiot.” Chris grumbles before stomping back to his desk, tossing the airplane into a wastebasket on the way. 

“Well, that was an event.” Phil murmurs as Dan turns back around. 

“Yeah. You know, I can never quite tell if Chris hates me or if he’s secretly in love with me.” Dan says jokingly, pushing a curl off his forehead. 

“Probably in love with you,” Phil nods. “I can see why he would be.” His cheeks flood with color after he says this, but he only looks up at Dan, as if waiting for him to disagree. 

Dan feels flooded with warmth, and he grins, his dimple likely showing as he does. “Yeah?” He teases, but he feels his heart racing as he waits for an answer. Not yours, not yours, not yours, the silent mantra repeats in his head, but he ignores it. He wants this. He wants Phil to want him, even if he knows they can’t be together because Phil has someone else. 

Phil only blushes darker and looks down at his desk. “Of course.” He says softly. Dan feels as if his heart is about to burst with joy, but then Phil speaks again. “You’re my best friend, Dan, of course I think you’re lovely.” He says this so sweetly that Dan nearly melts right there on the spot, but then the real meaning behind his words sink in. 

Dan tries very hard not to let his face show the pure disappointment he feels swelling up now. “Oh,” he says softly in response. “Yeah, of course.” 

Before Phil has a chance to respond, their boss, PJ, comes out of his office. 

“Meeting in five! Five seconds, everybody, find your asses in those chairs in five, four, three-“ PJ yells from only a foot behind Dan. 

Dan cringes at the booming voice right behind his ear, turning to look at Phil with an incredulous expression. Why, he mouths, shaking his head in bewilderment. 

The older man giggles, shrugging as he grabs a notepad and pen to take notes for their boss during what was likely to be a very pointless meeting. 

“Phil, hurry up. Come on, guys! Meeting, now!” PJ is chirping behind Dan. 

Dan sighs but shrugs away from the receptionist counter anyway, shoving his hands into his pockets. Dan pauses beside PJ, lowering his voice as a few of his colleagues make their way past him and into the meeting room. “Hey, you know you don’t have to yell, right? There’s only like, nine of us in here. And, well, it’s a pretty small room.” 

“Don’t listen to him, PJ. You’re asserting your authority.” Chris, ever the suckup, says snidely from behind him. 

Dan sighs, staring up at the ceiling before he notices Phil standing by the door to the meeting room, smiling at him. The younger man can’t help but return the smile, his face flooding with warmth. 

“Yeah, actually, Chris is right. Sorry, PJ. I’ve got a meeting to get to actually, but hey, good job rounding up the crowd.” Dan pats Chris’ shoulder before sliding past him and their boss, gesturing for Phil to walk in ahead of him. 

“One day he’s going to figure out that you’re just being a smartass.” Phil whispers as they take a seat next to each other. 

Dan shrugs, smirking. “Probably, but I’ve worked here for five years and it hasn’t happened yet,” he reminds the ebony haired man next to him. 

Phil rolls his eyes, tugging on the red cardigan he’s wearing over his white dress shirt, and Dan tries not to stare at his long fingers as he fiddles with the buttons. 

As a distraction from his thoughts, he shifts closer, bringing his mouth close to Phil’s ear. “I have a great prank in the works for Chris. Are you in?” He asks quietly. Pulling away slightly to see Phil’s reaction, he’s a little surprised to see a blush on the older man’s cheeks, but he figures he might be imagining that. 

Phil grins, nodding. “Absolutely. What are we doing?” He asks, waggling his eyebrows conspiratorially. 

Dan bites his lip, trying to hide his goofy smile. Phil was just too cute for his own good. Of course, Dan couldn’t say that to his best friend. It’s not something you say to someone you’re so close to in a platonic way, because there’s no telling what that could do to their friendship. And it wasn’t as if he could have Phil, anyway. 

Just as PJ steps in after the last few stragglers, Chris marching close on his heels, Dan dips his head down to whisper his plan into Phil’s ear, ignoring the way Phil shivers lightly when his lips accidentally graze the shell of his ear. 

When Dan has laid out the plan, he sits back, waiting for Phil’s judgement. A look of awe and surprise sits on his face, and Dan tries not to fidget as he waits for the verdict. 

“Dan Howell,” Phil whispers as PJ begins speaking. “That is positively rotten of you.” 

Dan’s face falls a little, thinking maybe this time his childish, pranking ways had gone too far, pushed Phil to realize that he was actually just a bored loser struggling for the attention of the cute receptionist. 

That is, until Phil nudges Dan’s arm with his elbow, causing the brunet to look up in confusion. “I’m in,” the older man whispers just as Chris whirls around, glaring at them. 

“Shut up, you two. Some of us care about this meeting.” 

Dan smirks, nodding as if he’s apologetic. “Sorry, Chris. We’ll keep it down.” He says casually, trying not to laugh. Phil giggles beside him, covering it with a very not-subtle cough. 

Chris doesn’t seem to find this out of the ordinary, as he turns around with a huff. Dan rolls his eyes at Phil, nudging him gently. “Nice,” he whispers teasingly. 

Phil nudges him back, smiling. “Shut up,” he responds quietly. 

Dan just smiles, and they both pretend to be very invested in the meeting, which turns out to be about whether or not PJ should ask his supervisor, Sophie, to their office Christmas party. Dan effectively tunes out after that, instead taking the notepad and pen from Phil, who raises his eyebrows in question. 

Wanna play hangman? He writes, shifting the notepad so that Phil can read. 

Phil smiles widely, his tongue poking out between his teeth, the cutie he is. Dan allows his eyes to flicker to his lips for only a few seconds before he looks back to his bright blue eyes. Phil takes the pen from him, writing messily underneath Dan’s question. 

Can I go first? He’s written, shooting Dan a questioning look. Dan grins and nods, gesturing for him to continue. 

He pretends to focus on the meeting while sneaking glances at the notepad, where Phil is currently drawing slightly uneven spaces on the paper. He notices that up in the top corner, Phil has written the category, which apparently for this round is books. Dan watches as he draws several lines, taking up a good majority of the page. Smirking, Dan leans closer to him, bringing his lips to hover closely around the shell of Phil’s ear. 

“I think you’re just supposed to do the title, not write the book itself,” he murmurs, biting his lip when Phil shivers. 

Phil rolls his eyes, nudging Dan’s arm off their shared armrest. “Shut up,” he says with a fond laugh, counting the lines to himself before slipping the notepad over to Dan. 

Dan raises an eyebrow and stares at the many lines for a moment, counting them up in his head. “Twenty-four letters?” He whisper-shouts in surprise. “Is that even allowed?”

Shushing him with a grin, Phil taps the notepad. “Yes! Now, start guessing.” 

Chewing on his lip thoughtfully, Dan tilts his head closer to Phil. “Do I get any sort of hint? Who’s the author?” He asks. 

“That’s not a letter,” Phil protests.

Dan shrugs. “I’ll take an ‘i’ first. But I want to know the author, at least.” Dan prods. 

Phil sighs, then goes through the blanks on the page, filling in all the ‘i’ spots that there were. “Stephen King,” he admits quietly, glancing over at PJ once before his gaze returns to Dan. “That’s the only hint you’re getting, though!” 

“Hm… old or new? Like, give me a year of publication.” He barters, pointing to one space. “And I want an ‘e’ next.” 

“No,” Phil complains, biting his lip to hide a smile. “You don’t get a year of publication. You may have the ‘e’ though.” Phil begins writing again, mouthing the letters to himself. If Dan was a cheater, he’d focus harder on that and try to win the game all at once, but he enjoyed humoring the childlike tendencies of his best friend. 

“Fine,” he relents, studying the letters. Smirking as a thought pops into his head, he leans even closer to Phil, this time purposefully bringing his lips to brush against Phil’s ear. “Can I have the ‘d’ please?” He breathes. 

Phil visibly stiffens at this, then shivers as Dan’s breath flows over his neck. “Oh, um-“ He fumbles, his cheeks reddening comically. 

Dan smirks as Phil shakily fills in two spaces with the letter he’d chosen, trying not to feel too proud of himself for the reaction he’d gotten. “First word is ‘the’ so, fill in those ‘t’s and ‘h’s, bub.” Dan says smugly. 

Grumbling to himself, Phil fills in only a couple of blanks, turning to face Dan with a smug look. “Try another letter, Danny,” he whispers. 

PJ seems to realize that they’re not paying attention then, and calls Dan out. “And the expense reports are due next Friday, right, Dan?” 

Dan knows PJ’s probably trying to catch him off-guard to prove that he’s not paying attention, but luckily for him, he’d had this conversation with Phil earlier and knew that PJ was tricking him. “No, actually they’re due the week after that.” PJ looks surprised, and a little embarrassed, and just to be an ass, Dan adds, “Although, we do have updated client reports due next Friday.” 

Their boss looks a little surprised that Dan had remembered this, and Dan just levels him with a casual smile, quirking an eyebrow in challenge. “Oh, er- right.” PJ stutters out, returning to his speech about whatever it was he was that he had been discussing initially. 

“Nice,” Phil whispers from beside Dan, closer to his ear than he had been before. When Dan turns his head, he immediately flushes at the lack of space between them. 

He’s engaged! A little voice yells in his head. Heeding this warning for once, he leans away slightly, clearing his throat as nonchalantly as possible. “Thanks,” he mumbles back pleasantly. Glancing down at the notepad, he whispers, “I’d like ‘a’ next.” 

A flash of hurt crosses Phil’s face, but it disappears so quickly that Dan realizes he must have just imagined it. “Nope,” Phil says gleefully, drawing the head of the stick man corpse on the gallows at the top of the page. 

“Well, damn,” Dan mutters, staring hard at the letters and spaces left on the page. “Um… ‘l’ I guess.” 

Phil fills in all the letter ‘l’s that there are, and Dan feels almost slightly more confused. “Next letter,” Phil prompts, poking Dan’s arm with the pen. 

Dan sighs before shrugging. “Um… hm… this is hard, Phil.” He stalls, trying to rack his brain for all the Stephen King novels he’d read. If he could think of the title of something that was long enough, he might guess the whole title correctly. 

“That’s what he said,” Phil giggles. 

Dan’s jaw drops open slightly and he shoots a surprised look at Phil. “Phil Lester,” he whispers, shaking his head. “You’ve changed,” he simpers, turning away dramatically. 

Phil elbows him in the ribs sharply, and Dan gasps. A few of their coworkers shoot them dirty looks, and Dan just bites his lip, sending apologetic smiles their way. “You’re no better,” Phil whispers. “You asked me for the ‘d’ earlier.” He reminds him. 

Rolling his eyes, Dan shifts in his seat, dropping his arm onto the shared armrest between them, subtly brushing their arms together. “Yeah, but I didn’t specifically ask for your d.” He mutters. 

Phil flushes, ducking his head. “Pick a letter,” he hisses, laughter in his tone. 

Smiling, Dan guesses another letter, and another, until he’s gotten down to only six blanks, his stick man hanging precariously with two arms and one leg already. “The… girl! The second word is girl.” He says excitedly, tapping his finger on the blanks. Luckily for them, PJ has sort of opened the floor for open discussion for something or other, so there were a couple other people talking, keeping them from getting called out again. 

“Finally,” Phil rolls his eyes, writing in the letters, and then going down to the last word and filling in a ‘g’ and a ‘r’ there, too. 

“This is so obscure,” Dan shakes his head as he stares at the letters, still confused about what the answer actually is. 

“You’re just saying that because they never made a movie about it!” Phil whines. 

Dan rolls his eyes. “Well, duh. Obviously, I don’t know what the hell it is if there’s not a movie.” 

The older man shifts, pushing up the sleeves of his cardigan slightly. Dan tries not to stare at his beautiful pale wrists, but it’s hard to avert his eyes. He had very lovely hands, and those hands were connected to very lovely wrists, and arms, and… well, you get the idea. “C’mon, Dan. Just a couple more letters.” 

Dan sighs, but looks at the notepad again. “The Girl… who! Second word is who…. The Girl Who Lo… Loved… Tom Gordon?” He trails off, unsure. 

Phil’s face lights up, and his tongue pokes out between his teeth in that way Dan likes so much. “Yes! That’s it!” Phil fills in the last of the letters and smiles proudly. 

“What the hell is that?” Dan asks incredulously, his voice bubbling with laughter. 

“It’s a book! I’ve got a copy of it that I can lend you,” Phil’s gaze drops to the notepad again, his fingers twisting around the pen. “I mean, if you want to read it.” 

Dan smiles broadly as he studies Phil’s profile. “Of course. I’d love to read it, if it’s something you care so much about.” He says honestly. 

Phil smiles at this in response, but before he has the chance to say anything, they hear a tapping on the wall of windows behind them, which separates the conference room from the main office. They both stretch to see who had knocked, and Dan’s face drops considerably when he sees that it’s Charlie Stratford. Otherwise known as Phil’s fiancé.  
When he sees that he has their attention, he crooks a finger at Phil, indicating for him to come out of the conference room to speak to him. His eyebrows are knitted together, and he has his lips pressed into an angry line, his entire stance exuding irritation. 

Dan frowns, glancing over at Phil in worry. Phil only looks down, closing the notepad before awkwardly getting to his feet. “Um, I should- I’ll be back in a minute.” He mumbles, leaving the notepad on his seat and stepping out of the conference room. PJ barely spares him a glance, having seen Charlie waiting outside no doubt, but Dan can’t help but allow his gaze to follow Phil out of the room. 

He watches with rapt interest as Charlie clenches his jaw as he begins speaking, too quickly for Dan to read his lips properly. Phil is staring down at his feet, but Charlie brings his hand up, snapping his fingers right in front of Phil’s face to bring his gaze up to meet his own. Dan feels his blood boil at this action, and he has to literally grab ahold of the arm rests to keep himself in his seat, rather than doing something stupid like walking out there to intervene. 

Not yours! Not yours, let it go! His mind reminds him helpfully, but Dan tells that voice to shut the hell up. Instead, he watches quietly as Charlie gestures to the window where he’s sat, poking Phil’s chest with his index finger several times right after. Phil seems to speak up then, bringing his arms up as if to hug himself tightly. He shakes his head sharply at something Charlie is saying, his eyes clenching shut. Whatever Charlie is saying must really piss him off, because he turns suddenly, as if to walk back into the conference room. 

Dan doesn’t even have a moment to feel relieved that Phil’s getting out of that situation before he’s watching in mute horror as Charlie brings his hand up to grip Phil’s bicep, yanking on his arm harshly to pull him back to face him. That settles it for Dan, and he’s up and out of his seat immediately, holding a hand up to PJ when he questions him. 

Having the sense to shut the conference door behind himself, Dan comes to stand beside Phil, tucking his hands in his pockets casually, as to not appear threatening to Charlie. He wasn’t afraid of the twat by any means, but he also wasn’t stupid; Charlie could probably kick his ass in no time, considering he definitely spent more time at the gym than Dan currently did. “Everything alright out here?” He asks pleasantly, trying not to frown at the way Phil cringes when he hears his voice. 

“We’re fine, Howell. This is really none of your business, though, so, if you could just go, that’d be great.” Charlie drawls easily, his hand still gripping Phil’s arm tightly. Dan watches as Phil tries to take the distraction as an opportunity to pull his arm out of his grasp, but this only seems to spur Charlie on. 

“Maybe you ought to let go of his arm, mate,” Dan suggests instead of leaving, ignoring that notion completely. 

Charlie’s eyes narrow, and Phil takes in a deep breath, only to hold it. “Listen, mate,” Charlie starts. “I’m not sure who you think you are, but-“ 

“Char, please,” Phil whispers, staring pointedly at his fiancé’s face. 

The other man drops Phil’s arm only to hold that hand up to his face to silence him. Dan clenches his fists in his pockets at the action, but otherwise remains motionless. “No, no, I want to know what business Howell thinks he’s got coming out here-“ 

Dan rolls his eyes as he cuts him off, lifting a hand of his own up to silence him. He smirks at the shocked look that crosses Charlie’s face. “I’m his best friend, Char,” he says mockingly. “And no offense, but you’re acting like a dick.” 

Phil suddenly turns to face him, his eyes wide. “Dan, stop.” He says sternly. Dan’s taken aback by this, and his eyes flick between Phil’s and Charlie’s for a moment, trying to grasp what it is that he’s supposed to do. “Just… just go. I can handle this myself, just go.” He waves him off, not quite meeting Dan’s gaze. 

“No, Phil, he’s-“ Dan protests, gesturing at the twat that Phil’s currently engaged to. 

“Go. This isn’t any of your business,” Phil says harshly. Dan takes a hesitant step back, furrowing his eyebrows together in confusion. Phil’s eyes are full of guilt, but he just shakes his head slightly, gesturing to the conference room. Charlie is smirking smugly behind Phil, which Dan ignores.

Dan hesitates, but at Phil’s weak smile and nod, he steps back into the conference room, meeting a few concerned gazes as he goes back to his seat. He can’t help but glance back out the window at Phil, and his heart clenches when he finds that he’s staring down at the floor, his hand holding the portion of his arm that Charlie had been gripping so tightly earlier. And even after being so blatantly dismissed from that altercation, Dan can’t help but feel as if Phil needed him. 

\--- 

When Phil finally returns to the conference room a few minutes later, Dan is looking at him with concern, watching him closely. Phil doesn’t meet his eyes, and only flips his notepad open to an empty page. Dan waits patiently for him to speak, but when he doesn’t, Dan nudges him gently on the arm. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Dan asks softly, frowning when Phil slowly shifts away from him. 

Phil only nods, not meeting his gaze. “Mhm.” He murmurs, carefully writing notes as PJ speaks.

“Oh… okay.” Dan says in confusion. 

The older man doesn’t respond, and Dan can only sit by and wonder how badly he’d truly fucked up. 

\--- 

It’s almost a week later when things finally go back to normal. The weekend had apparently given Phil the space he needed to get back to his normal self, but Dan wasn’t sure if he really had the same relationship with him as he had before. This caused a few awkward interactions on Monday, but when Dan had gotten up to retrieve some candy from reception and Phil had reminded him that Chris’ birthday was coming up (which they always used as an opportunity for a new prank), they slipped back into their usual banter. 

Now, Friday afternoon had rolled around, and everyone was getting excited for the company outing they had planned that night. Every year their boss liked to put together a ridiculous award show for their branch, and this year it was being hosted at a restaurant called The Factory House. Generally, it was a huge waste of time for everyone, but PJ was always super excited for it, and generally everyone was put on the same tab, which was covered by the company, so at least it was a free meal. 

“So, Philip Michael Lester,” Dan drawls at the receptionist desk a couple hours before quitting time. 

“James Howard,” Phil stutters out, his blush likely due to Dan’s memory and usage of his full name.

Dan puts on an overexaggerated frown, sniffing dramatically. “You don’t even know my name!” he whines, his voice obnoxiously high-pitched. 

Phil smirks, typing on his keyboard in feigned nonchalance. “Daniel,” Phil sighs, shaking his head. “Of course, I know your full name. It’s Daniel James “I like to annoy the receptionist” Howell.” His tongue pokes out between his teeth at this, and Dan only laughs. 

“Ouch! Phil, I’m wounded.” He brings a hand up to his heart, grinning down at the older man. 

Rolling his eyes, Phil stands, grabbing a post-it note that probably held a message for PJ. “Do you even have anything in there to wound?” He questions, nodding at Dan’s hand placement. 

His jaw dropping slightly at Phil’s meaner-than-usual insult, Dan lets out a sharp laugh. “Damn, Lester. Who hurt you?” He asks jokingly. 

He barely notices it as Phil turns away, but there’s a clear shift in his expression, from joking to slightly alarmed. Dan’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, as he had clearly meant that as a joke. “I’ve got to take this to PJ. Be right back,” Phil mutters, walking around the receptionist counter without meeting Dan’s gaze. 

“Oh… Okay.” He frowns as his gaze follows Phil, but just as he steps into Peej’s office, the main door opens, and Dan cringes when Charlie steps through. 

Charlie brushes a blonde strand of hair up off his forehead, nodding to Dan with a look of feigned indifference. “Hey, mate,” he uttered, looking reluctant to even acknowledge Dan’s presence. 

“Er, hey,” he responds, nodding uncertainly. 

Sighing, Charlie steps closer, leaning on the counter about two feet away from Dan. “Look, Dan,” he begins. Dan braces himself to be chewed out for the other day, sure that’s exactly what’s about to happen. He and Phil hadn’t acknowledged any of it, which made Dan equal parts confused and worried, but that doesn’t mean that Charlie hadn’t addressed Dan’s intrusion with Phil. “I just wanted to say thanks. You know, for the other day.”

Dan stares dumbly, even more confused. “Um… you’re welcome? Wait- for what?” He asks uncertainly. 

Charlie shrugs, looking awkward to even be saying this. “Well it wasn’t any of your business, obviously-“ Dan clenches his fist at this, but just nods, setting his jaw so he doesn’t say anything stupid. “-but it’s nice to know that Philly has someone here to look out for him. You know, help him get through the day and stuff. I appreciate that.” Charlie smiles pleasantly, as if it’s perfectly normal of him to thank Dan for interrupting their argument, even though at the time Dan had every intention of telling the blonde to fuck off. 

“Oh… um… sure, mate.” Dan says awkwardly, really uncertain about what he should even say at this point. He certainly didn’t do it for Charlie, so he didn’t really deserve his thanks in the first place. Especially given the fact Dan couldn’t stand him. 

“Charlie?” Phil’s voice says uncertainly from behind them. Both men turn to look at him, and Dan can’t ignore the way Phil seems to retreat into himself in Charlie’s presence. He looks small and uncertain, and Dan loathes the man who made Phil feel like this. 

“Hey, babe,” Charlie says with a smirk, stepping closer to Phil and placing a broad hand on his hip. Dan looks away just as Charlie leans down, probably with the intentions of kissing his fiancé. 

“Not here,” Phil hisses. Dan’s eyes dart back to them, only to find Phil turn his head at the last second, his eyes meeting Dan’s. He doesn’t hold his gaze, his cheeks flooding and his eyes dropping back to the floor. 

“Oh, come on. Dan doesn’t mind. Do you, Dan?” Charlie inquires, and Dan might be imagining it, but he’s pretty sure there’s a challenge in his voice. 

Dan shrugs, and as much as he tries to keep his mouth shut, his smart-assery makes itself present. “I’m not into non-consensual voyeurism, so you can keep that to yourself, actually,” he says smoothly before smiling slightly at Phil, tapping the counter once before slipping away to return to his desk. 

“Smartass.” Charlie mutters, just loud enough for Dan to catch.

Unable to keep his mouth shut, Dan smirks. “Thanks, mate. I’ve got a degree and everything.” 

Dan catches the look of surprise on Charlie’s face, which quickly turns to anger as Phil giggles. “Hilarious,” Charlie remarks dryly. Dan shrugs, sitting in his chair, acting the part of someone who is totally unbothered. However, he does notice the way Charlie smirks before gripping Phil’s waist tightly, shoving his mouth against the ebony-haired man’s roughly. Clenching his jaw hard enough to pop it, Dan reminds himself that there’s absolutely no reason for him to feel burnt up with jealousy and hatred right now, and yet here he is. 

“Enough, Char. I’ve got work to do. I’ll see you later, okay?” Phil is saying, pushing Charlie away. Dan glances over as he crosses his arms over his stomach, stepping away from the blonde as if he doesn’t want to touch him. Dan figures Phil must have a thing about PDA, but it pisses him off that Charlie doesn’t seem to realize or respect that. 

“Okay, fine. What time is the stupid award thing?” 

Phil sighs before answering. “It starts at seven.” 

Dan tries to busy himself with a file on his desk, trying not to eavesdrop so obviously. “Okay. See you later, babe. Bye, Howell.” Charlie calls slightly louder to Dan. 

Refusing to acknowledge the douchebag, Dan only stares at his desk until he hears the door to the office close. His eyes dart up to look at Phil, who is staring down at the floor with a look of embarrassment on his face. Dan’s heart clenches tightly, and he sits back in his chair slightly. “Haribo, Phil?” He says softly, grabbing the container of gummy snacks that he kept in his desk. He liked them, but Phil loved them, so Dan always kept some around. 

Phil turns to face him, a grateful smile gracing his features as he nods, coming over to lean against Dan’s desk. “I think I’d really love some haribo.” 

\--- 

Every year it seemed like a miracle that they weren’t kicked out of the restaurant PJ insisted on hosting their award show at. There was always his terrible attempt at hosting, which involved bad and often offensive impressions, as well as office-themed parodies of various iconic songs. Along with this was Chris’ terrible attempt at DJing, which Dan always found hilariously awful. There was also a couple of people who ended up getting too rowdy (generally because PJ says something offensive that, shockingly, offends someone) and occasionally someone would get really drunk. That someone was usually Hazel, but everyone was pretty sure that she was an alcoholic anyway. 

This year, it seemed, would be no different than usual, as PJ had started them off with a terrible rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody (which Dan found personally offensive) which he followed by an impression of Tommy Wiseau (which was surprisingly accurate, just very disturbingly so.) Dan had high hopes that this would be the worst of the evening and that maybe it would improve from there, but he’d already been subjected to several years of these stupid ceremonies, so he knew that was only wishful thinking. 

It would be slightly more tolerable if he could sit with Phil, but as he had been every year now, Phil was sat with Charlie and Jimmy. Jimmy was an alright guy, the foreman of their warehouse, and if he wasn’t friends with Charlie, Dan figured he’d probably like him a lot more. Phil sat close to Charlie, but he looked uncomfortably rigid. The blonde had an arm thrown around the back of Phil’s chair, and his hand was resting on Phil’s shoulder in a possessive fashion. Dan tried not to stare at that hand, but he was secretly hoping that maybe he had some hidden pyrokinetic powers that would do something fun, like set Charlie’s hand on fire. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. 

“So welcome, everyone. This year is going to be a little different,” PJ was announcing into the microphone loudly, and Dan tried his hardest to tune in, filtering out the conversations of Louise and Tom, who he was currently sat with. “We won’t be doing one tab this year, so if you could, just put everything on your own tabs,” PJ continues, his words garnering a predictable response, which was anger on behalf of many of his coworkers, who usually only showed up for the free meal. 

“You said we could invite our families this year!” Felix says pointedly from a table behind Dan, and Dan can’t help but agree with his anger. Felix had brought his wife, and he was probably excited to have an excuse to take her somewhere nice without having to pay for it himself.

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault you actually listened to me for once, Felix.” PJ barely even bats an eye, continuing on as if he hadn’t just disappointed pretty much every one of his colleagues. Dan didn’t particularly care himself, since he was going to have to eat dinner whether he stayed or went home, and he’d rather not cook tonight. 

Apparently, some people didn’t share this philosophy, as he notices Charlie and Jimmy standing to leave. “Come on, Phil,” Charlie is saying, tugging at Phil’s arm. 

“No, Char, why can’t we-“ Phil is protesting, gingerly trying to pull his arm from Charlie’s grip. 

“I won’t say it again, Philip,” Charlie’s voice is low and dead serious, and Dan can only watch helplessly as he manages to drag Phil off his seat, tugging him to the door. Phil glances over his shoulder, his gaze meeting Dan’s, a frown clear on his face. 

PJ notices their departure and calls them out, but Charlie just shakes his head with a roll of his eyes. Dan stares at the door where they’d disappeared, but there’s nothing he can do. He sighs to himself, tuning back into the conversation Louise and Tom are in. 

“I’d love to stay, honest, but I left Liam at home with the girls because I thought I’d get a nice dinner for free,” the blonde blushes at this, but Dan knows she doesn’t mean this in a bad way. She was a busy woman with two small kids, of course she’d jump at the chance to go out for the night with a paid dinner. “Tom, would you mind driving me? I’d hate to ask Liam to come pick me up since he’s probably making dinner for the girls.” 

Tom shrugs but stands and pulls his jacket on. “Sure, Lou. I’m in it for the free food myself, so not much keeping me here.” He jokes. They seem to notice Dan just sat there, and Tom claps him on the back. “You staying here, mate?” Tom asks. 

Dan nods. “Yeah, might as well. Someone’s got to stay and report back on all the worst moments on Monday.” His lips quirk into a small smile. 

Louise frowns, bringing a hand to touch Dan’s arm. “Are you sure, love? If you’d like you can join us for dinner.” She turns to Tom then. “You’re invited too, dear, since you’re being kind enough to play chauffer.” She says sweetly, always living to host. 

Tom grins at this. “Oh, definitely, Lou. I accept.” He too turns to Dan, shrugging. “Suit yourself, mate, but you know where to find us if you change your mind.” 

With another small smile, Dan nods. “It’s fine, really. I’ll see the both of you Monday.” He waves them off. 

Sending an apology to PJ, Louise and Tom quickly make their exit, and Dan sighs to himself, flipping the menu around to scan it for something that isn’t too expensive. He’d already ordered a beer, which sat by his left hand, mostly untouched. He’s trying to tune out PJ’s parody of Toxic by Britney Spears when the chair across from him squeaks, someone joining him. 

His jaw drops in unfiltered surprised as he sees Phil sitting across from him, his cheeks rosy in what looks like embarrassment. “Mind if I join you?” He asks timidly. 

Dan smiles broadly then, shaking his head. “Course not. How’d you manage to get away from Sir Charlie?” He teases, pushing his beer across to Phil when he sees him eyeing it. 

“Thanks,” Phil sighs, taking several large gulps of the alcohol. Dan had never really seen Phil have more than a couple drinks over the years, mainly at various work functions and a couple house parties of mutual friends. He watches quietly as Phil downs nearly the whole glass before lowering it, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. His cheeks flood with color when he meets Dan’s amused stare. “Sorry,” he apologizes, before seemingly remembering that Dan had asked him a question. “I told him I wanted to stay. I’ll get a ride from Louise or someone later.” He shrugs as if it’s no big deal. 

Dan almost laughs, but he just clears his throat. “Well, Tom actually drove Louise home, since I think Liam drove her here.” Phil’s face falls at this information, so Dan continues timidly. “But I can give you a ride home later,” he offers, looking down at the menu casually. 

Phil brightens at this, nodding immediately. “Thanks, I’d appreciate that, actually.” He nods happily, and Dan smiles to himself. Phil downs the rest of the beer quickly, and Dan quirks an eyebrow. Phil shrugs. “After the week I’ve had, I think I deserve this.” 

Dan smirks before waving over the waitress. “Can we get two of the blue margaritas?” He requests, smiling when Phil’s face lights up in excitement. The waitress nods before disappearing, and Dan tilts his head at Phil. “Is that okay with you?” He asks, suddenly unsure. Phil just seemed more like the type to enjoy sweet alcoholic drinks, and he really did seem like he needed a drink.

Nodding frantically, Phil opens his own menu. “Yes, absolutely.” Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “Charlie never lets me drink.” 

Trying to hide his frown, Dan hums. “Really? Why’s that?” He asks mildly, trying his hardest not to sound too pressing or nosy. 

Phil shrugs as if the question doesn’t bother him in the slightest. “He says he doesn’t like me when I’m drunk.” He gets a thoughtful look on his face and looks up at Dan suddenly. “I don’t like him much when I’m drunk, either,” he admits, sounding almost as if he’s just realized this. 

Before Dan gets a chance to unpack that, PJ is announcing an award, and their coworkers are clapping with feigned interest. Dan joins in clapping half-heartedly, still looking over at Phil with a frown etched on his face. He wonders idly what their relationship is like behind closed doors, and he tries his hardest not to notice the way Phil’s eyes just look so, so tired. 

When the margaritas arrive, Dan only takes a sip out of his before he splutters, hearing the groan- no the moan, loud and way too sexual to be garnered from a simple drink- that slips out of Phil’s mouth. Dan raises his eyebrows, ignoring the heat swelling in his stomach at the scene in front of him. Phil’s lips are wrapped tightly around the small straw in his glass, and he has this blissed-out look on his face as if it’s the best thing he’s ever tried. Dan’s mouth goes dry just looking at him, and he feels as if his face is burning with how red it is now. 

Phil opens his eyes and slowly meets Dan’s gaze, and Dan isn’t prepared at all for the lazy smirk that crosses his face. “What?” he asks, sipping his drink as if he truly has no idea what kind of effect he’s having on the younger man. 

Dan swallows hard, shaking his head. “Nothing,” he stutters out. 

Gesturing to the glass that Dan is just idly stirring, Phil asks, “Are you going to drink that?” 

Dan chokes out a laugh, grinning as he slides the margarita over to Phil. “I think you can have it,” he laughs, watching as Phil grins, finishing off his own before promptly dumping his straw into Dan’s glass. 

“Thanks,” Phil beams. Shaking his head, Dan tunes in to their boss, who is announcing an award for Best Procrastinator. With a groan, Dan fully expects it when his own name is called. As he stands, Phil starts cheering loudly, his voice already slurring together with the alcohol coursing through his veins. “Woo! That’s my best friend! Go best friend!” He shouts loudly, earning a few curious and amused glances from the others in the office. 

Dan takes the award with an embarrassed smile, nodding his thanks at PJ before stepping back over to his table. Phil smiles broadly at him, doing the tongue thing again as Dan sits. “I guess this is better than what I got last year,” he shrugs, mostly to himself. He looks up at Phil, who’s got this soft sort of smile on his face. “Remember last year when I got the Straight Up Lad award because of that one time I talked to PJ about England’s football team?” 

Giggling, Phil nods. “That was hilarious.” He gushes out, his eyes slightly unfocused. 

Nodding along, Dan shrugs, unthinking about his own words. “It was ridiculous. There’s nothing straight about me.” At this, he blushes profusely, glancing up at Phil. Of course, Phil wouldn’t judge him for being gay, Phil was gay himself, after all. But this was the first time Dan had said it so explicitly. 

Phil stares at him for a moment, surprise on his features, before he suddenly bursts out laughing, his eyes squeezing shut as he throws his head back to laugh. Dan only stares at him fondly, wishing more than anything that he could see him laugh like that forever. He felt such a warmth in his stomach from getting that kind of reaction out of Phil, and he knew it had everything to do with his crush on him. Dan had never felt it hit him so powerfully, however, and he found it hard to resist his instinct to lean over and kiss Phil, which is what he wanted more than anything. 

Wiping a tear of mirth from his eye, Phil glances up at Dan with a smile. “Wow, Dan,” he sighs. “I can’t believe you.” 

Dan shrugs sheepishly, unsure if this is meant in a good way or a bad one. “Yeah… that was… That was pretty bad,” he agrees, watching as Phil slurps up the rest of his second margarita, tossing the straw out to tilt it back into his mouth, catching the last dregs and the ice cubes. Dan smiles fondly at this. 

Just as he goes to speak again, maybe to tease Phil about being a lightweight, PJ breaks the moment. “Now this next one, goes to our very own receptionist, Phil Lester,” He starts. Dan immediately cringes, hoping and praying to a god that he doesn’t believe in that PJ isn’t about to do the same shit he always does. Every year for the past three years since they’d gotten engaged, Phil had received the “Longest Engagement” award. Phil didn’t know it, but about a week ago, when PJ had been discussing award ideas with Dan, he’d begged PJ to pick something else, anything else. 

Phil too, seems to tense up, probably expecting the usual embarrassment over his silly award. Dan doesn’t think before he reaches across the table, brushing his fingers against the back of Phil’s hands in a comforting fashion. Phil’s blue eyes flicker to his, a small smile quirking at his lips. 

PJ continues his speech, and Dan clenches his jaw. Please not again. “And I’m sure all of you know just what it is that Philip here is getting,” PJ teases, enjoying the drama of drawing this out as much as possible. Dan glares daggers at him, but PJ either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care. Before Dan can say anything, PJ continues, “We all know Phil Lester as the man who’s been engaged for going on four years and has yet to set a date for this wedding.” 

Phil closes his eyes, shaking his head lightly. Dan wonders vaguely if he wishes he was less drunk right now. “No,” he whispers, probably thinking this is going in the direction is usually does. 

“But, there’s more to Phil Lester than meets the eye.” PJ is saying, causing Dan and Phil to share a confused look before looking to their boss. “No, Phil is also the receptionist, and Dan’s best friend, and also one of the hottest in the office, let’s be honest.” There are a few laughs at this, and Phil’s just drunk enough that he barely blushes. “But no, Phil is also a family man. And by this, I mean that Phil spends a lot of time talking with his mum, or about her. I feel like Kathryn’s best friend sometimes, Phil, from how much I know about her at this point.” 

Phil does blush at this and looks down as if he’s ashamed. Dan just smiles broadly, still a little unsure where this is going, but definitely glad that it’s not the same way it usually is. “I just love my mum,” Phil mumbles defensively, causing Dan to chuckle quietly, earning him a light kick in the shin from the older man. 

“So, without further ado… Phil, come collect your Biggest Momma’s Boy award!” PJ announces, causing laughter and a round of polite applause to erupt from their colleagues. 

Dan smiles broadly, clapping loudly. “Woo!” He mimics Phil’s earlier actions. “Go best friend!” He cheers, grinning smugly when Phil sticks his tongue out at him. 

Phil stumbles unevenly to their boss to collect his trophy, and he’s got a wide, uneven smile on his face. Dan props his chin on his hand, staring at Phil fondly. He truly was adorable. Phil takes the trophy in one hand and the microphone from PJ in the other, and Dan raises his eyebrows, curious to see what kind of musings drunk-Phil is about to share with them. “Wow, guys. Thank you so much, I- I don’t even know what to say.” Phil slurs, staring down at the trophy. A few people laugh at this, and Phil flushes.

“Speech!” Dan calls, cupping his hands around his mouth. 

Smiling, Phil nods. “That’s a great idea! I’d like to thank my mum, first of all. I love my mum.” Dan snickers at this good-naturedly. Phil hums into the microphone, looking around the room as if he’s thinking. “Oh, and PJ! Thank you, Peej, I like this award. It’s better than the engagement thing. That hurt my feelings.” Phil frowns as he lets this slip, and stares at the floor with his eyebrows furrowed. 

Dan frowns, biting his lip as he glances to PJ. Their boss looks guilty, and he reaches for the microphone with an awkward smile. “Right, well, we should move on…” 

Phil ducks out of his reach, shaking his head. “No, wait! I also wanna thank Dan, cause, you know, he’s my best friend and I love him.” A confused sort of round of applause goes around their coworkers, and Dan’s cheeks heat up as he looks down. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Phil adds, PJ holding the end of the microphone while Phil holds the top. Dan’s almost certain he’s about to bring Charlie into this, but instead he’s surprised when that’s not what comes out. “I’d like to thank God, too. I feel him here tonight.” 

One of the more religious coworkers of theirs starts clapping loudly at this, and Phil just grins widely before releasing the microphone all together. The applause he receives dies down as he stumbles over to his seat, tripping over his own feet. Dan jumps to his feet and manages to catch him just before he falls on his face. “Woah, easy there, tiger,” Dan chastises, pulling Phil up to stand straighter. 

Phil looks up into Dan’s eyes, leaning in close. Giggles tumble out of his lips, and he’s so close to Dan’s face that he can feel his breath ghost across his own lips. “My hero,” Phil whispers. Then, surprisingly quick and precise for someone so drunk, Phil ducks forward and presses his lips to Dan’s firmly, catching the younger man completely by surprise. Dan can’t help but squeeze Phil’s sides where he’s holding him steady, responding to the kiss gently. 

Pulling away, Phil blinks slowly, staring at Dan’s lips. He giggles then, loudly. “Sorry,” he whispers, bringing a hand up to pat Dan’s cheek. 

Dan clears his throat, nodding and stepping away, helping Phil to his seat. “Uh- it’s- it’s okay.” He nods, trying his hardest not to fixate on the fact that he had just felt Phil’s lips against his own. 

He glances around, and he’s surprised to see that basically none of their coworkers are even giving them a second look. And sure, it wasn’t like they had made out or anything, but he’d definitely expected some kind of reaction out of them. He awkwardly returns to his seat, running a hand through his curls as he glances over at Phil, who is resting his head on his arm on the table, trailing his hand through the ring of water left behind from one of the margaritas. 

“Phil, you okay?” Dan asks quietly, leaning over the table to speak to Phil. 

“I don’t feel well,” Phil admits, closing his eyes. 

“Oh, um… Do you want to go home?” Dan asks, slightly disappointed. 

Phil shakes his head slowly. “No. Wanna eat something first.” He whispers. 

Dan smiles at this, pulling his menu out from under Phil’s arm. “Yeah? What would you like?” 

Inhaling deeply, Phil’s eyelids flutter. “You,” he says, almost inaudible. 

Dan clears his throat at this, glancing around quickly to ensure that no one heard that. Phil was drunk, he probably had no idea what Dan even asked him. “No, what would you like for dinner, Phil? Do you want the chicken alfredo? I know you like that.” Dan’s barely grasping for straws here, trying hard to move the conversation to a safer place. 

Phil hums at this, and his eyelids finally flicker open. “Yeah, that sounds good. Can I have another margarita?” He asks hopefully. 

Smiling gently, Dan shakes his head and waves over the waitress. “No, bab- Phil. I think you need some water.” 

Phil sighs, but nods. Dan relays their order to the waitress, and then sits back, watching as Phil traces shapes onto the table with the water. PJ’s voice is just background noise, and Dan feels his heart flood with warmth when Phil’s eyes flicker up to meet his. “What?” He asks softly. 

Dan bites his lip, shaking his head. “Nothing,” he assures him. 

Smiling, Phil props his head up with his hand to look Dan in the eyes. “I’m glad Charlie left,” he states easily, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. 

“Yeah?” Dan inquires, mirroring Phil’s stance and leaning forward across the table. 

Phil nods seriously. “Yeah, he was being a dick.” 

Dan laughs at this, but nods. “Mhm, I noticed.” He tries not to sound so thrilled that Phil has confessed this to him, but given the events of the night, it was hard to keep his emotions in check. 

Sighing, Phil drops his eyes to the table. “Sometimes I really wish he had picked someone else,” he whispers softly. 

Dan pauses at this, unsure of what exactly it is he needs to say. What?

Before he has the chance to ask for clarification, the waitress returns with their meals, placing them in front of them before asking if they need anything else. Dan just smiles tightly and shakes his head, asking her to bring it to them on a shared tab. He’s glad Phil is inebriated, because if he wasn’t Dan’s pretty sure he’d try to argue with him about paying for his meal. 

They eat in silence, Phil making appreciative humming noises when Dan asks if his food is alright. He asks for a cup of water to go from the waitress before sending her off with his credit card to pay for their food. The award ceremony is dwindling to a close, and Dan figures they could go ahead and leave when his card is brought back. Phil finishes off his food and sits back with a sigh, smiling tiredly at Dan. 

“Did you have enough to eat?” Dan asks him sweetly. 

Phil smiles, a soft look to his face as he nods. “Mhm. It was really good. Did she-“ 

“Here you go, sir. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” The waitress returns with Dan’s card, and sets the cup of water down in front of Phil. 

“Thanks,” Dan smiles at her, pulling his wallet out to return his card to its proper spot.

Phil furrows his eyebrows at Dan then, his lips dropping into a pout. “Did you pay for mine?” He asks in a small voice. 

Dan chews on his lip uncertainly, suddenly wondering if Phil would be genuinely upset. “I-“ before he can finish, Phil interrupts him. 

“Charlie never does that,” he whispers, staring hard at the table. 

Dan swallows a lump in his throat and nods, standing and tugging on his coat before going around to grab Phil’s off the back of his chair. He holds it out for him, nodding. “C’mon, Phil. Let’s get you home.” 

Phil shoves his arms into the sleeves, mumbling something Dan can’t really hear. PJ doesn’t spare them much of a second glance, probably realizing that Phil was completely trashed at this point. Dan gingerly wraps an arm around Phil’s waist, guiding him to the door as the older man stumbles around. “Easy, careful. Watch your step,” Dan says quietly as he helps Phil out to his car. Phil giggles as he climbs into the passenger seat, clearly finding his inability to walk in a straight line to be pretty hilarious. 

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Phil murmurs as Dan gets in the driver’s seat and helps Phil buckle his seatbelt. 

“You’re welcome,” Dan smiles over at him as he starts the car. 

Phil breathes deeply, closing his eyes. “No one ever takes care of me.” 

Dan’s heart clenches tightly at this, and he can’t help but lean over and grip Phil’s hand. “I…” He swallows hard before continuing, knowing he can’t say this, he can’t mean this, because he just can’t, Phil’s not his, and yet, he still says it. “I’ll always do my best to take care of you, Phil.” He whispers. 

Phil doesn’t answer, but he does squeeze Dan’s hand. They ride in silence for the next few minutes, and it isn’t until they get closer to the apartment Phil and Charlie share that Dan begins to let himself feel sad. He doesn’t want to do this, to just let Phil go back to that douchebag. Because Dan’s selfish and he wants to keep Phil for himself. 

“Phil? We’re almost there. Do you want to drink some more of this water to sober up before you go home?” Dan asks, because he’s not a dick, and he’s not going to overstep his boundaries here. 

Surprisingly, Phil shakes his head, and then sits up as if he’s remembered something important. “Please don’t make me go home,” he pleads suddenly, turning to face Dan with a look of panic on his face. 

Dan frowns, glancing over at Phil as he takes a turn onto the street Phil lives on. “What? Phil, I-“ 

Phil shakes his head frantically. “I don’t want to go back to Charlie. I can’t, I can’t do it, Dan.” His voice wavers then, and Dan feels his hand come up to grip his forearm. 

“I… Phil, what do you mean? You don’t want to go home tonight, or…?” 

Phil seems to swallow hard then, glancing out the window at his apartment building that Dan has just pulled up in front of. “I don’t love him anymore,” he whispers, his voice breaking. 

Dan draws in a deep breath at this, holding it for a second as he tries to process what he’s just been told. He lets it out slowly and gradually, letting the car idle, never taking his hands off the wheel. His head is swimming with thoughts, most of which he has absolutely no clue how to address. “Okay…” Dan says slowly. “You need to tell him, I think,” he says softly into the quietness surrounding them. 

“I can’t,” Phil protests, shaking his head. “He’ll… I don’t know what he’d do if I did that, but I just… I can’t be with him.” 

Struggling to make sense of this but knowing that he’s got to come up with some sort of solution here, Dan sighs. “Do you want to come stay at mine tonight, and try to figure this out tomorrow?” 

Phil nods, his eyes wide and full of unshed tears. Dan’s heart breaks a little at the sight. “Yeah, I’d like that.” His voice is quiet and full of gratitude. 

Dan nods, smiling sadly before pulling back onto the main road towards his own flat. 

There had been a couple occasions where Phil had come over, but never on his own. It was always with a group, when Dan had parties and such and invited the people they worked with. It was rare, but it had happened a few times, so Phil already knew what Dan’s flat looked like. Still, Dan felt awkwardly nervous about inviting Phil in.

Dan unlocks the door with one hand, his other resting on Phil’s lower back comfortingly. “C’mon,” he says quietly, guiding Phil in. 

Phil glances around the lounge, looking slightly out of place. Dan smiles at this, shrugging of his coat and pushing his shoes off by the door. “You can just make yourself at home,” he stated, gesturing to the sofa. “I’m going to go get you some ibuprofen tablets. Do you need anything else?” Dan asks, propping his hands on his hips. 

The older man glances at him, a soft smile on his face. “No, I’m good.” 

Dan smiles and holds up a finger to indicate that he’d be back in a minute. He stops in his bedroom and shucks off his pants and his button-up, pulling on his pajamas quickly so Phil doesn’t have to wait on his own very long. He stops in the bathroom and grabs the ibuprofen before returning to the lounge, where Phil is waiting, his phone held up to his ear. He glances up at Dan with a frown on his face, but only shakes his head when Dan gives him a concerned look. 

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Yeah.” He hangs up quickly after that, sighing deeply. “That was Charlie. I was just calling him to let him know that I wouldn’t be home tonight.” He explains to Dan, standing up and stumbling slightly. 

Dan nods, scratching the back of his neck uncertainly. “Here, take these.” He hands the pills to Phil, nodding to the to-go cup on the coffee table, still mostly full of water. 

“Thanks,” Phil says softly. He takes the tablets quickly, swallowing a few sips of water before setting the cup back down and rocking on his heels awkwardly. His eyes are still wet with tears, and Dan looks at him in sympathy. 

“Come here,” he whispers, grabbing his hand and bringing him in for an embrace. Although Phil was four years older, Dan was a good inch or two taller than him, and so he easily tucked Phil’s head into the crook of his neck, pushing a hand up through his hair to hold him there. Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist and Dan’s heart clenches when Phil begins shaking, silently crying. “Shh. It’s okay. Everything is fine.” 

“I’m sorry,” Phil gasps against Dan’s neck, which is quickly growing wet with tears. 

Shaking his adamantly, Dan tightens his grip around Phil’s shoulders. “Don’t be silly. There’s nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I should be sorry that you’re engaged to such a dick,” he says in a poor attempt at lightening the mood. 

Phil has a similar sense of humor and manages a wet laugh. “Soon to be ex,” he responds glumly. 

Dan swallows hard at hearing the words spoken aloud for the first time. Sure, he’d expected Phil to break up with him, but he was still a little pleasantly surprised that he actually planned on doing so. Rather than ask about the when and how of this like he very much wants to, Dan pulls away just enough to look Phil in the eyes. “C’mon. I know what’ll make you feel better.” He slowly steps back, taking Phil by the hand to pull him towards the bathroom. Phil’s eyes widen comically, probably assuming Dan meant something completely different, and the younger man only laughs. “A bubble bath, you spoon.” He rolls his eyes fondly when Phil’s mouth drops into an ‘o’ in understanding. 

Turning the faucet on and checking to make sure the water is at the perfect temperature, Dan shoves the stopper in before turning to grab a basket of assorted bath bombs and salts. He was a bit of a diva when it came to his baths, and he liked having a lot of good scented stuff to choose from. He hands it to Phil, who looks amusedly surprised. “Here, pick whatever you like. I’m gonna go grab you some pajamas and I’ll be right back.” 

Phil nods, digging around in the basket and checking a few of the names on each of the products, likely checking for a scent he would like. Dan smiles to himself before ducking out of the bathroom, grabbing a pair of boxers, an Undertale t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. He normally slept in boxers himself, but he’d probably be sleeping in his Game of Thrones pajama pants tonight since he was planning on offering to let Phil share his bed. He knew that was probably crossing a line, but there wasn’t a spare bedroom and the couch wasn’t long enough for either of them to sleep on. It really only made sense to offer Phil the other side of his bed. 

When Dan returns to the bathroom, he’s greeted with the sight of Phil already standing with his shirt off, folded neatly on the counter by the sink. He seems to be debating about his trousers when Dan walks in, and the older man’s face floods with color when Dan smiles at him. “Did you pick some of the bombs and things out?” He asks, holding up the pajamas to show Phil before setting them on the sink as well. 

“Oh, um, yeah.” He points to the things he’d picked out and Dan wanders over, smiling when he sees that Phil had picked a strawberry-scented Pokéball bath bomb and a small packet of mint-scented salts. 

“I have some bubbles too,” Dan informs him, reaching onto the shelf and grabbing the bottle. Without waiting for his reaction, Dan pours a generous amount into the slowly filling tub, setting the bottle back before grabbing the bomb and unwrapping it, tossing it into the tub. He can feel Phil’s gaze on him, and he tries hard to ignore their close proximity as he pours the salts in as well. “There we go,” he announces proudly, turning around to face Phil. 

Phil’s expression has shifted into one of determination as he steps even closer to Dan, and Dan barely realizes what it is that he’s doing until he feels Phil’s hands on his waist, tugging him closer. Phil leans in, and just as he presses his lips to Dan’s, the younger man tilts his head just to the side, so that Phil’s lips fall on his dimple instead. 

Dan swallows hard, feeling Phil tense up when he realizes his kiss had been rejected. It takes everything in Dan to do it, but he gently leans away, putting a little more space between them so he can look into Phil’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. 

“No, no. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what got into me.” Phil shakes his head adamantly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, avoiding Dan’s gaze pointedly. 

Sighing, Dan gingerly brings a hand up to Phil’s chin, tilting it so that their eyes meet. “I want to. Believe me, I really, really want to,” he says slowly, staring straight into those blue-green eyes and hoping that Phil understands how much he wants him, how much he has wanted him for years. “But, you’re still engaged. Whether you’re ending it or not, right now you’re an engaged man, and I’m…” Dan trails off, struggling to find the right words. “I’m not going to be that man, the one who does… that.” 

Phil stares at him for a long moment before nodding slowly, a kind of resigned look on his face. “Okay,” he whispers, sounding sad, but at the same time understanding. 

“I want to, though. I’ve wanted that since I met you, really. But I just… we can’t do that. Not now, at least. Okay?” 

Nodding, Phil steps away from him. “Okay. I… I think I respect that.” 

Dan tries his hardest to hide his smile. “You think?” He asks, biting his lip. 

Phil rolls his eyes, but grins. “Yeah. I think so.” He turns around to see that the bath is basically full at that point, and Dan turns to leave. “Uh, Dan?” 

“Hm?” The younger man turns back around, quirking an eyebrow. “Yeah?” 

“Can you… um, will you stay in here with me?” He asks timidly, looking embarrassed for even asking. 

Dan smiles at this, and nods. It’s not like they’re doing anything. Phil just needs the company, and Dan is more than willing to grant him that. “Yeah. I’ll, uh-“ he points to the door again, gesturing to Phil’s clothes with the other hand. “Just tell me when you’re in the bath,” he says quietly as he turns around to give Phil privacy to undress. 

He hears the sound of Phil’s zipper, followed by a stumbling as he no doubt struggles to stand up straight as he removes his clothes. A minute later, Dan hears the sound of the water sloshing against the side of the tub as Phil slips into the bathtub. After a minute of silence, Phil whispers, “okay.” 

Dan turns around slowly, ensuring that Phil really is ready for him to do so, and he tries to keep his heart still as he sees Phil looking up at him with soft doe eyes, surrounded by bubbles. Smiling at how adorable he is, Dan walks over and sits himself on the side of the tub. “Is it warm enough?” He asks, dipping his fingers into the water at the edge of the tub. 

Phil nods, his hands on his lap. Dan tries very hard to ignore the fact that there’s nothing but water and bubbles separating Phil from Dan’s gaze. He feels his face heat at the very thought, and when his eyes return to Phil’s face he’s smirking, likely because Dan had just been staring at his crotch area. Dan blushes even more profusely at this, purposefully turning away to stare at the wall behind Phil’s head. 

He jumps slightly when he feels something wet and soft come up to touch his hand that’s resting on the edge of the tub to support himself. He glances down, a small smile gracing his face when he realizes that it’s Phil’s hand. Tracing his thumb over the wet skin, Dan’s eyes stay focused on their hands as Phil speaks. “Thank you,” he whispers. 

Dan shrugs. “You can stop saying that. You’re my best friend, I’d do anything for you.” He would be embarrassed at how sappy that sounds, but he knows that it’s the truth. He absolutely would do anything for Phil. 

“Still,” Phil shrugs. “I wasn’t kidding when I said no one ever takes care of me. Generally, I’m the one that does that for Charlie, but he’s not the same way with me.” Phil glances down at the water then, his lips curved into a frown. 

Frowning, Dan brings his hand up to push back the hair that had fallen out of Phil’s quiff and onto his forehead. “Well, I’m not Charlie.” He shrugs simply, nodding to the shampoo bottle on the other side of Phil. “Hand me the shampoo.” 

Phil does as asked, handing the bottle to Dan and then watching with rapt attention as Dan pours some of the fruity-smelling liquid into his hand. Dan shifts so that he’s got better access to Phil’s hair, grabbing a cup that he keeps on the edge of the bathtub for this very thing. “Close your eyes,” he breathes, suddenly feeling overwhelmed at the intimacy in this moment. His hands shake as he fills up the cup with water, his eyes tracing over the line of Phil’s neck as he tilts his head back to avoid getting water in his face. 

With a careful hand, Dan manages to wet the black hair completely before lathering it in the shampoo, taking his sweet time massaging Phil’s head as he does so. Phil’s making the most adorable little sighs, and every now and then he’ll make a noise that sounds like a hum, which doesn’t help Dan’s growing… problem in his pants. “Are you enjoying this?” Dan asks, intending for it to come out sounding like a joke, but at this point he’s a little breathless and it come out sounding nearly seductive. 

Phil doesn’t even seem to notice this, only nodding. “Feels nice,” he whispers. 

Dan smiles proudly before finally rinsing off the shampoo. He grabs his conditioner next and gives him a repeat, although he lets the conditioner sit longer. “I’m guessing you don’t get your hair washed by someone else very often?” He asks quietly, a sadness to his voice. Dan honestly always loved having his hair washed or washing someone else’s. His last boyfriend enjoyed sharing a bath as much as Dan did, so they did it pretty often. Too bad he was a cheater. 

Phil shakes his head slowly in response to Dan’s words. “No…Sometimes Charlie wants to… um…” he trails off and his cheeks flood with color, and Dan smirks. 

“Sometimes he wants to have shower sex?” He guesses easily, biting his tongue when Phil smacks his arm lightly. 

“Shut up,” he grumbles, laughter in his tone. “But yeah. Something like that. And like, that’s fine, but sometimes…” He sighs then, as if he’s not sure what he’s even trying to say. But Dan gets it, honestly. 

He gingerly raises the cup of water to rinse off the conditioner, running a hand through Phil’s hair as he does. “Sometimes it’s nice to be taken care of,” he says conversationally. 

“Yeah,” Phil whispers. 

Dan only smiles before focusing solely on rinsing out his hair, which he does without getting a single drop into Phil’s eyes. “There. All done,” he murmurs when he’s finished, leaning back and wiping his hands on his pajama pants. 

Phil opens his eyes slowly, smiling up at Dan with such a fond look that it grips Dan’s heart. “Thank you for washing my hair,” Phil whispers. Dan only nods wordlessly before standing, grabbing a towel and setting it on the edge of the tub. 

“I’ll step out, so you can get dressed.” He nods to the pajamas before stepping out of the bathroom, hearing the sound of the water draining out of the tub behind him. He walks to his room slowly, taking a minute to catch his breath and let himself process everything that’s happened tonight. It’s been a truly long evening, and he knew that Phil was likely feeling much worse than he was, since he would likely have a hangover tomorrow, while Dan wouldn’t. He sighs as he sits on the edge of his bed, glancing at the digital alarm clock beside his bed, which reads 10:03. 

“Hey, um,” Phil says from the doorway, shifting around awkwardly. Dan smiles at how cute he is standing there in Dan’s clothes, but then he’s thinking about how Phil is in his clothes and his heart is racing again. “Do you have like a blanket I can borrow?” He asks, sending Dan briefly into confusion before he realizes he hadn’t told Phil the sleeping arrangements for the night. 

“Oh, you can sleep with me. I promise I don’t talk in my sleep or anything like that, and it’s comfier than the sofa.” He says, biting his lip as he waits for Phil’s response. 

Please don’t freak out, please don’t freak out. 

Phil looks surprised, but he chews on his lip as if he’s hiding a smile. “Okay… are you sure?” He asks again, his face unsure. 

Dan nods, shifting on his bed and pulling the duvet down on the side he doesn’t sleep on, patting the space in invitation. “Yeah, come on. Just turn the light off on your way.”

Flicking the switch and casting the room in darkness, Phil stumbles toward the bed, sinking down slowly when he reaches the mattress. Dan crawls under the duvet himself, turning to face Phil on his side as he waits for the older man to get comfortable. He can just make out his face in the darkness, and Dan smiles at him. “Warm enough?” He asks, reaching out to pull the duvet further up onto Phil’s shoulder. 

“Mhm. Very cosy.” Phil’s voice is quiet in the darkness, and Dan’s heart swells as a little voice reminds him that they’re actually sharing a bed. 

“Good.” Shifting a little to tuck his hand under his pillow, Dan tries to keep a respectful distance away. He’d rejected Phil’s kiss not an hour ago, he needed to be careful with how he proceeded here. 

“I’m scared, Dan.” Phil’s voice breaks the silence as Dan settles into a comfortable position. “I’m scared that Charlie is going to be mad when I tell him I don’t want to be with him.” 

Dan takes a slow inhale, really unsure with how he needed to respond to that. “I know,” he starts slowly, because he did know. Of course Phil was nervous to do that, it was a terrifying thing to do, especially with someone as neurotic as Charlie seemed to be. “But I can go with you, if you want. I don’t want you to do it alone.” He tentatively reaches out, finding Phil’s hand in the darkness. 

Phil’s fingers intertwine with his, the older man squeezing gently. “Thank you. I think I’d like that.” 

Dan’s mind catches on the “think” part of his sentence, and he idly thinks about how a lot of things that Phil says include that word, as if he feels that he can’t just say that he’s sure about something. It almost feels like a safety net to Dan, but perhaps that’s just him projecting; with several years of therapy for his own issues under his belt, he can confidently say that he tends to do that sometimes. 

His thoughts are interrupted as Phil pulls his hand away slowly. “Hey, Dan?” He asks quietly. 

“Mhm?” Dan responds in the same tone. There’s a pause, and Dan props himself up on his elbow. “What?” He asks, concerned. 

“Can you… Can you turn around? Like, can we… nevermind. Goodnight.” Phil’s words are rushed, and Dan feels the bed shift as Phil turns around. 

Dan frowns, staring at the back of Phil’s head, which is kind of just a blur in the darkness. Tentatively, he sets a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “What do you need, Phil? Do you…” he’s unsure if he’s projecting here or if maybe, just maybe, Phil wanted the same thing he did here. “Do you want to cuddle?” He asks, feeling silly even asking. 

To his relief, Phil rolls back over, and Dan can just make out the smile on his face in the darkness. “Please,” he whispers. 

Dan smiles at this and settles back down. “Do you want to be the big spoon?” He asks, Phil’s earlier words bouncing around in his head. 

Phil nods quickly, confirming Dan’s thoughts. Dan dutifully turns around and scoots back to press his back to Phil’s chest. This is okay, right? He can cuddle with his best friend. It’s not like they’re doing anything that would compromise a relationship, even if that relationship was coming to an end. This was just simple, platonic cuddling. 

“Better?” Dan asks as Phil drapes an arm over his waist, intertwining their fingers. Phil’s left arm is pillowing his head, and Dan feels small and safe like this, something he rarely feels. Even if this evening had been about making Phil feel safe and taken care of, Dan feels that this might be doing the trick for him too. 

“Mhm. Much. I never get to be the big spoon,” Phil mumbles sleepily against Dan’s neck. Dan squirms as he feels his lips brush the space there, his neck an incredibly sensitive place for him generally. “Sorry, I forgot about your neck thing,” Phil whispers, holding his face a little further away. 

Dan smiles at how considerate he was, closing his eyes as he truly lets himself feel how exhausted he is. “It’s okay. I don’t mind,” he responds quietly. 

Phil laughs softly then, and after a few moments, Dan feels his breathing slow down, getting slower and deeper. Dan smiles at this and starts working on matching his own breathing to Phil’s. Falling asleep like this is nice and almost therapeutic for Dan, and the last thing he thinks of as he falls asleep is that by the following night, Phil would be a single man. 

\--- 

The next morning is a little strange for both of them, mainly because when they wake up, their legs are tangled together and there’s not an inch of space between them. Phil’s left arm had somehow managed to shift last night to cushion Dan’s head, while his right hand had somehow wound up tucked under Dan’s shirt. While Dan had blushed at this, he also thought it was sort of adorable. He feels even breaths on his neck and just lays there in silence for a moment before he feels Phil slowly tracing shapes on his stomach. So, a good strange, but strange nonetheless. 

After getting up and making coffee, Dan suggests that they have pancakes before the inevitable part of the day where he drives Phil back to his apartment, where he’s going to break things off with Charlie. Dan doesn’t want to feel good about this, at least on Phil’s behalf, because he knows better than anyone that sometimes even a toxic relationship can hurt when you let go of it. So, he was determined to be there for Phil, in whatever capacity he could be. 

They have a quiet breakfast, mainly due to the fact that Phil is still a little hungover and his head his hurting, but Dan makes him eat enough to take some ibuprofen, insisting that he take some and drink two glasses of water. 

“It’ll make you feel better,” he sing-songs, trying to be as convincing as possible. 

Phil groans, but nods, swallowing another bite of pancake before scooping the tablets into his mouth and downing them with the water Dan handed him. Dan doesn’t move from his side until he’d drank the whole glass, and only after he’s refilled it and set it back down does he go back to his own breakfast. 

After washing up the dishes and cleaning the kitchen a little, Dan goes to his room to get dressed, offering Phil some of his clothes so he’s not re-wearing the same thing he’d worn the night before. Phil comes out of the bathroom wearing a black sweatshirt and a pair of black jeans, looking slightly embarrassed. “Everything you own outside of work clothes is just pitch black, isn’t it?” He asks, shoving the long sleeves up his arms a bit. 

Dan shrugs, gesturing in his closet with a smile as he grabs his phone. Phil peeks around and lets out a low, “oh,” before turning to look at Dan with a look of surprise on his face. “That’s like, a black hole, Dan.” 

“My favorite kind of hole,” Dan grins at the way Phil rolls his eyes, clearly exasperated by Dan’s lame jokes. “Ready to go?” He asks, gesturing to the door. 

Phil nods, sighing. “As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

Dan gives him a sympathetic look before walking out of his flat, locking the door behind him before leading Phil to his car. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be right outside if you need me, you know.” He hesitates before figuring, fuck it, reaching out to take Phil’s hand in his. “I’ve been there, but trust me, it’s going to be fine. I’ll be right there with you,” he reassures him, watching the way that Phil smiles tentatively, nodding. 

The drive to Phil’s flat is quiet, and Dan idly wonders if he’ll kick Charlie out. A distant memory, one of Phil mentioning that he’d moved in with Charlie after they officially got engaged about three years ago, floats into his mind, and he cringes. The flat is likely in Charlie’s name only, meaning Phil wouldn’t have anywhere else to go. Dan already knew he’d offer his own flat, but he was uncertain about whether Phil would accept or not. 

When they pull up outside of the towering brown brick building, Dan turns the car off, turning to study Phil. Phil’s not looking at him, his gaze locked on the door to the building, a terrified look on his face. “Hey,” Dan says gently, reaching out to touch Phil’s arm gently. Phil’s fearful eyes flit to meet Dan’s, and he reaches up to grip Dan’s hand. “I’m right here, okay? Do you want me to go in with you?” he asks softly, not really wanting to but willing to do it if it would make him feel more at ease. 

Luckily, Phil shakes his head. “No, I can do this on my own. I need to do this on my own. But… Can you like, wait outside the building? In case he does try to do something?” Phil sounds nervous just asking this, but Dan’s already nodding before he can finish. 

“Yeah, of course.” He unbuckles his seatbelt immediately, slipping out of the car, Phil quickly following behind. 

Phil stares at the door, a pained look on his face. “Okay. I’ll be right back. Hopefully this won’t take long,” he mutters before glancing at Dan. 

Dan only nods, stepping to lean against the side of the building while he waits. “I’m right here if you need me,” he reminds him gently before Phil nods and disappears into the building. Dan sighs then, settling in to wait, his stomach twisting with nerves. 

\--- 

As it turns out, Phil is right. It doesn’t take as long as Dan thought it might, as he’d expected to be out there anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. So, although he was impatient and more than ready for Phil to come back, he’s surprised when Phil comes through the door, a duffle bag slung over one arm, a backpack slung over the other. Dan steps forward to ask how it went, but it’s not until then that he realizes that Phil isn’t alone. 

“You,” Charlie hisses, his voice full of venom. 

Phil spins around at this, glaring at Charlie. “Drop it, Char. Leave Dan out of this.” 

Charlie completely dismisses this, stepping closer to Dan, who is quickly feeling claustrophobic and nervous. “So, I was right. This is all your fault. I fucking told Phil, I told him that I didn’t like you two hanging out. What did you say to him? Huh? What the fuck did you tell him?” He’s screaming into Dan’s face, and if Dan was a smarter human, he’d probably think before speaking. 

“Get the fuck out of my face, for starters,” Dan says calmly, a weird kind of adrenaline thrumming through his veins. He’d been bullied as a child, but he’d also been a smartass. He knew the script for this scene, and he knew that Charlie wasn’t likely to actually do anything out here, on a busy street; or at least, he hoped that was the case. 

“Excuse me?” Charlie growls, his voice threateningly low. 

“Charlie, stop. Dan, come on,” Phil tries, standing just behind Charlie, pleading with Dan with his eyes. 

“You’re excused. And, if you’ll excuse me, actually, I’m gonna get going. Nice chat.” He nods cordially to Charlie before gracefully sidestepping him, moving over to Phil. 

“Fuck you, Howell!” He shouts, his face red and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

“No thanks,” Dan calls over his shoulder with a shrug, taking the duffle bag from Phil to put in the car. 

“Fine. Whatever. You know what? You can have him. Fucking slut.” Charlie seethes, crossing his arms. 

Dan pauses from where he’s setting the bag in the car, and he turns to face Charlie as he shuts the door. Phil catches his gaze, a questioning expression on his face. Dan only shakes his head slowly, his eyes meeting Charlie’s. Every fiber of his being is screaming for him to go over there and punch this idiot in the face, but Dan’s not an idiot. He’s well aware that Charlie could hurt him, and even then, he knows that Phil is strictly against violence, and he wouldn’t dare initiate a fight with his ex, especially not in this situation. 

“I feel sorry for you,” Dan says simply, putting as much pity into his voice as he can. “You’re bitter, and hateful, and sad. And now you’re losing the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Dan shrugs then, nodding for Phil to get in his car. Phil complies, and after seeing that he’s put his seatbelt on, Dan turns back to Charlie, who looks unsettled, underneath the set jaw and defiant stance. “But you know what? You fucking deserve it. Bye, asshole,” He mutters as he slides into the car, slamming the door behind himself. 

Phil watches Dan as he slides his seatbelt on, starting the car at the same time. They’re silent as he pulls out of the parking space and onto the main road, neither of them sparing Charlie a second look. “You didn’t have to say that,” Phil says quietly. 

Dan cringes, worried that he’d offended Phil, even though that hadn’t been his intention. “I’m sorry, I know-“ 

“No, I mean… You didn’t have to defend me… and you did.” Phil’s voice sounds inquisitive, and Dan spares him a glance as he takes a turn, heading back to his own flat. 

“Of course I did,” he says gently. “I care about you, I’m always going to do that, Phil.” 

Phil looks down at his lap, and Dan catches the smile that stretches across his face. “Thank you,” he whispers, still looking down. 

Feeling bold, Dan reaches for his hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing Phil’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. “Anytime.” 

\--- 

“You can stay here as long as you need, Phil, I promise you’re not intruding. I live alone, remember?” Dan says later as they’re in the kitchen making dinner. They had spent the majority of the day after the whole Charlie situation just lounging in the living room, watching anime. Phil hadn’t brought the whole thing up until a few minutes ago, when he’d followed Dan into the kitchen, where he was making stir fry. He’d asked Dan if it would be okay for him to stay the night again, and Dan nearly laughed. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother,” Phil says uncertainly, rubbing his arm as he watches Dan move around the kitchen. 

“Of course. I love having sleepovers, Phil. This’ll be fun for me, I promise.” Dan reassures him yet again. 

Phil nods, still looking unsure, but slightly more willing to accept it. “Want any help?” He asks, gesturing to what Dan is doing. 

Dan shrugs, but there’s really nothing for Phil to do. “Well, not right now, I’ve just gotta keep an eye on this until it’s done.” He smiles slightly, nodding to the lounge. “You wanna go watch some more anime while I do this? I’ve seen most of that season anyway,” he suggests, not to get rid of Phil, but just to give him something to do. 

Dragging a hand through his hair, Phil looks kind of embarrassed as he speaks. “I kind of just… wanted to be with you,” he admits, his cheeks dusting with that adorable pink color that Dan just wants to kiss right off. 

Dan grins when he processes his words but tries his hardest to appear nonchalant. “Yeah?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow. “Well, here I am,” he says jokingly. 

The older man nods at this, biting his lip as if he’s debating on something. “Can I…” He trails off, his cheeks reddening as he looks at Dan. 

Stirring the food in the pan, Dan glances over his shoulder, waiting patiently for Phil to continue. When it’s clear he isn’t going to, Dan frowns. “Phil, whatever it is, yes. It’s fine.” He shrugs, figuring that nothing Phil could be considering could be too bad. After all, Dan had been basically in love with Phil for years, the fact that he was now single made him even more certain that he was perfectly willing to comply with anything Phil suggested; within certain limits, considering he was still very much in the middle of making their dinner. 

Phil studies him for a moment, and Dan only smiles reassuringly at him. This seems to prompt Phil into action, and he steps closer, positioning himself right behind Dan. Dan swallows hard at the warmth he feels against his back, but then he’s gasping quietly as Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, holding him against his chest tightly. Heart racing wildly, Dan tries so hard not to grin or do anything stupid like laugh hysterically; this is harder than it should be, as he’s been longing for this kind of intimacy with Phil for years. 

“Is this alright?” Phil whispers into his ear, his chin propped on Dan’s shoulder. 

Dan nods, clearing his throat. “Yeah, this is fine, Phil.” He brings his hand that isn’t stirring their food up to tangle in Phil’s hair, petting gently. Phil hums at this, and Dan smiles, feeling completely warm as they stand in his little kitchen like that, Phil clinging onto him like a lifeline. But Dan didn’t mind this; quite on the contrary, as it felt refreshing to feel as if he was needed by someone. 

And so, they stand there like that until their food is done, and then they take it into the lounge to eat while they watch Netflix, Dan insisting that the dining table was strictly just for decoration in his house. 

\--- 

It’s not until nearly two hours later, dinner long gone, and plates deposited into the sink, that Phil finally acknowledges the day’s events. 

“Dan,” Phil says softly from where he’s sat leaning against Dan’s side. 

“Mhm?” Dan responds, his eyes straying from the episode of Stranger Things that they were on to look over at Phil. 

Phil swallows hard, and Dan’s eyes shamelessly trace the way his Adam’s apple bobs. Dan always finds this insanely hot, so he quickly moves his eyes back up to Phil’s face, feeling guilty for even having that thought. “There’s a reason I couldn’t marry Charlie,” he admits softly. 

Dan frowns at this, moving to sit back so that he has a better view of Phil’s face. “Other than the fact that he was an emotionally abusive dick who took every opportunity to treat you horribly?” Dan asks, trying his hardest to make it sound light and joking, when in reality his opinion of Charlie was even worse than that. But he definitely wasn’t about to tell Phil what he really thought of his stupid ex. 

“No, believe it or not, there were other factors,” Phil tries to match his tone, but it too falls slightly far of humor, but Dan smiles anyway. 

“Yeah, and what were some of these other factors?” He asks, bringing his hand up to brush a stray hair out of Phil’s eye. 

Phil glances away briefly, taking a deep breath. “I’m in love with someone else.” 

Dan’s heart plummets at those words, and he slowly withdraws his hand. His mind is suddenly flooded with various thoughts, most of which are just completely confused. He really thought, after Phil kissed him at the restaurant, and then tried to do the same again in the bathroom… He’d really thought that mean that he felt the same… 

Phil seemingly realizes that Dan has gone into full panic mode, and he sits up. “Dan.” When he’s met his gaze again, Phil carefully sits onto his knees, throwing one over Dan’s legs so that he’s straddling his lap. Dan swallows, his heart pounding as his blood rushes south. “I’m in love with someone that isn’t Charlie.” He says this slowly, and Dan furrows his eyebrows, and he’s pretty positive that Phil is trying to make a point here. 

“But…” He stutters, looking past Phil, trying to make sense of this. He’s not in love with Charlie… which Dan already knew… But he didn’t say…

“Dan,” Phil says softly, bringing his hands up to cradle Dan’s face. “It’s you. I couldn’t marry Charlie because I’m in love with you.” 

The words leave his lips and enter the air between them, and Dan can only stare dumbly up at the man on his lap, his mouth dropping open as if he’s got an actual response. He feels as if his mind has had some sort of glitch, and he can only process the ladder half of Phil’s announcement. “I’m in love with you,” echoes around Dan’s head until he finally manages to get his brain back to communicating with his mouth. 

He opens his mouth to say something, an affirmation that he felt the same perhaps, but what comes out of his mouth is not exactly what he thought. “Are you sure?” He asks, immediately blushing as the words tumble out. 

Phil opens his mouth at this, and then pauses, tilting his head as he looks at Dan. Instead of annoyed, however, his face floods with a fond look, and he smiles. “Positive.” 

Dan sees it coming this time, naturally, because Phil’s hands are still holding his face, so of course Dan fully realizes what his intentions are when he leans in. Unlike last night, however, Dan has no intentions of stopping him. 

~

Their lips brush tentatively at first, and Dan brings his hands up to settle gently on Phil’s hips. At the contact, Phil seems to gain a little more confidence, and he tilts his head, deepening the kiss. Dan almost groans at this, swiping his tongue across Phil’s bottom lip in question. Phil barely hesitates before opening his mouth, allowing Dan to explore inside. They sit like this for several moments, until Phil shifts, and Dan gasps at the friction that his movement causes.

“Wait,” Dan gasps, pulling away slightly. “Are we- do you want to...?” He trails off a little, but at his words, Phil only groans, grinding down hard into Dan’s lap, causing his half-hard cock to swell in arousal. “Fuck, okay. Bedroom.” 

Phil only nods before sitting up, tugging on Dan’s hands to pull him from the sofa and down the hall. Dan’s in a daze at this point, his arousal taking away the majority of his common sense as he struggles to grasp the reality that this is happening. He’s about to have sex with Phil, who he’s been pining after for close to six years. He groans when Phil sits on the edge of the bed, pulling Dan closer by his waist. 

“This okay?” Phil asks against his lips as he drags his hands down to the zipper of Dan’s jeans. 

“Yes,” Dan gasps, pressing his lips to Phil’s with fervor as the older man works on getting his jeans undone. Meanwhile, Dan is thinking Phil’s got entirely too many clothes on, and he begins tugging at his shirt incessantly. “Off,” he whispers, pulling away just enough to tug the thin material off his head, tossing it somewhere behind him carelessly. Sure, Phil looked good in his clothes, but Dan imagined he looked even better without them. 

Dan takes a moment to just look then, and as his hands trail along Phil’s chest, it occurs to him that Phil only just broke up with his fiancé a few hours earlier. Despite the fact that Phil had initiated this, doubts suddenly creep in, and Dan slowly pulls away. 

“What? Are you okay?” Phil asks, pausing his movements of tugging Dan’s jeans down his legs to look up at him in confusion. 

Dan nods uncertainly. “Yeah, it’s just... you just broke up with Charlie, Phil. Are you sure you’re ready?” He doesn’t mean to ruin the moment, really, but he can’t help that nagging feeling that he needs to ask, just to be absolutely sure. 

Phil smiles fondly then, bringing his hands up to cradle Dan’s face like he had done before. “Yes, Dan. I’ve wanted this for so long. Please, please let me have it.” His words are almost begging, and even a stronger man couldn’t resist that. Dan only nods, his throat too tight to say anything. “Besides,” Phil adds, almost conversationally. “Charlie and I haven’t slept together in almost six months.” His voice has an embarrassed tone to it, but Dan sees the frown on his face. 

“Hey,” He says gently, reaching down to brace himself on Phil’s shoulders as Phil tugs the jeans off his feet, one foot at a time. When Phil meets his gaze, Dan smiles reassuringly. “I’m not Charlie, okay? So, whatever you did with him, whatever sex or anything was like with him, just forget that for now.” 

Phil nods at this, albeit a little uncertainly. Dan decides that’s the best he’s going to get and tugs his own shirt off before gently pushing Phil’s shoulders back, motioning for him to move further up on the bed, so that his head is resting on the pillows and the rest of him is spread out. Dan gives himself a moment to just look and appreciate the tapered waist and his broad shoulders, and the soft trail of hair that leads to the top of his underwear. Dan licks his lips then, his dick swelling in his pants at the thought of what’s to come. 

“Are you going to keep looking at me or are you going to touch me?” Phil finally whines softly. 

Dan smirks at this, but brings his hands up to his zipper, undoing it smoothly before tugging the offending fabric down his legs. It takes a moment of struggle and giggles to pull the jeans completely off, but Dan smiles when they’re on the floor and out of sight. “So beautiful,” Dan murmurs, trailing his hands up Phil’s thighs, tucking one up the leg of his borrowed boxers, tracing the soft skin there with his index finger. 

Phil shifts on the bed, clearly growing impatient. Dan watches his face, waiting for him to demand to be touched. When no such demand comes, Dan frowns. He was generally a bottom, and while he didn’t mind topping, he’d certainly not imagined their first time going any other way. He figures maybe this is just something Phil needs a little direction on, maybe he’s not used to taking the lead on these sorts of things. 

Despite the idea that this might ruin the mood, Dan figures it’s in their best interest to just ask which way Phil would prefer to do it. “Er- do you want to bottom or top?” He asks, suddenly nervous of the answer. Of course he wanted to do both with him, but he could see the outline of Phil in his boxers and knew that he himself was slightly smaller. He didn’t think Phil to be a size queen, but he also didn’t want to disappoint on their first time. With being a bottom, Dan knew he couldn’t really fail; one of his many personal prides was the fact that he took cock so well, after all. 

Phil looks positively puzzled by the question. “Oh, um, I just assumed I’d bottom.” Seeing Dan’s expression probably, Phil continues. “That’s what I always did with Charlie. He didn’t like to bottom.” He bites his lip after he says this, looking up at Dan in what is very clearly uncertainty. 

Dan sits back on his heels, his hands leaving Phil’s thighs in favor of resting on his knees gently. “Okay, is that what you want to do now?” Dan asks, sensing a little reluctance on Phil’s part. 

This seems to give Phil pause. “I... I’ve never really been given the choice,” he says softly. Dan’s eyes widen slightly, and he tries not to let Phil see his surprise. 

“Would you like to top?” Dan asks sweetly, stroking Phil’s knee and the smooth skin just above it gently. 

“I... I don’t know, with Charlie I always-“ 

Dan cuts him off then, tired of how many times the name Charlie had already made it into their conversation. “Nope, no more Charlie. I’m not asking what you did with him, Phil. I’m asking what you want to do with me, right now.” As if to get his point further across, Dan brings his hand up to Phil’s cloth-covered bulge and squeezes gently. Phil groans at the contact before leaning forward and grabbing at Dan’s arms. “What do you want, Phil?” Dan whispers, trying his hardest to give it a seductive quality. 

“You, god- wanna be inside you.” He gasps out as Dan continues to squeeze and massage his cock. 

Dan smiles down at him, squeezing him gently once more before crawling towards his nightstand. Phil is panting beside him, and Dan fumbles with the lube when Phil brings a hand up, slipping a finger under the band of Dan’s underwear teasingly. Phil smiles innocently when Dan turns around to shoot him a look, and Dan only rolls his eyes as he finally gets hold of the bottle of lube he keeps in his drawer. It was half-used already, although Dan hadn’t slept with anyone in well over a year. He just enjoyed fingering himself, and when you’re twenty-seven and you live alone... 

“Do you want to stretch me or do you want me to do it myself?” Dan asks Phil, holding the bottle out to him in offering. Phil sits up at the sight of it, taking it tentatively. 

“Can I do it? I’ve never done it to another person,” he requests quietly, glancing down as his cheeks flush. 

Dan only nods frantically. He loved to be fingered, and it was even better if it was someone else, so heat was already pooling in his stomach in anticipation. He sits up on his knees then, and with a confidence he doesn’t entirely feel, he pushes his boxers down to his thighs, freeing his cock from the confines of the material. He blushes when Phil’s hand comes to rest on his thigh, his long, pale fingers trailing up gently. 

“Dan,” Phil chokes out, his eyes trailing over every inch of his skin, while his fingers continue to trace up and down his thigh. 

Dan only smiles, shifting to pull of his boxers entirely. He sits up and gently pushes Phil to lean back on his hands, slowly dragging his hands down his pale chest. He allows himself a moment to marvel at the hair that trails down underneath the band of the older’s boxers, petting softly. Phil shifts, and Dan smirks when he meets his gaze and sees Phil biting his lip harshly. Feeling slightly guilty for teasing for so long, Dan leans forward and kisses Phil’s chest softly before tucking his fingers into the band of his underwear, slowly dragging the material down. 

As he drags the last piece of cloth down Phil’s legs, Dan can’t help the soft noise that leaves his lips as his eyes zero in on his cock. “Oh my god,” he mutters lowly, swallowing hard. He’s long and thick and Dan’s fairly certain Charlie is a fucking idiot disaster gay if he didn’t want to bottom for him. 

Phil smiles shyly at him, moving his legs to push his underwear off the rest of the way with his feet. Dan shoves the material off the bed before crawling between Phil’s legs, pulling him in to press a kiss to his lips. “Are you sure about this?” Phil asks, pulling away a little, just enough to brush Dan’s curls back. 

Nodding, Dan trails his hand down, wrapping his hand around Phil’s swelling arousal. Phil sucks in a sharp breath at this, and Dan only smirks to himself as he starts moving his hand slowly. “Can I suck you first?” Dan asks quietly, locking his gaze with Phil’s. 

The older man nods, his eyes just barely open. “Please,” He whispers. Dan smiles as he pushes gently against Phil’s shoulders, guiding him to lay back on the pillows. 

Dan starts out slow and teasing, pressing kisses to Phil’s neck first, gently sucking on the skin above his collarbones. Phil sighs contently as Dan slowly makes his way down his chest, grazing his teeth over one of Phil’s nipples, staring up into his eyes to gauge his reaction. 

“Dan,” Phil gasps, his hand coming to rest in Dan’s hair. “Do... oh. Do that again.” 

Ever the people pleaser, Dan complies easily, placing his lips over the nub of flesh and sucking gently. Phil arches up, and Dan smirks against his skin. He pays careful attention to each of them before he continues on his way, heat building in his stomach as he gets closer to his destination. If there was one thing Dan enjoyed, it was having a dick in his mouth, and the fact that this was Phil just made it so much better. 

Teasing, Dan presses a kiss to the head, pressing his hands against Phil’s hips to keep him still, as the contact had made him buck up. “Stay still,” Dan murmurs before wrapping his lips around Phil’s cock, swirling his tongue around the tip slowly. 

“Dan,” Phil sighs above him, throwing his head back on the pillows. 

The younger man just grins before sinking down suddenly. It’s a good thing he had the foresight to hold Phil’s hips, because he has next to no control, squirming around under Dan’s touch. “Good?” Dan asks smugly. He knew it was, he was good at this. 

“Yes. God, yes.” Phil raises his head up off the pillow to meet Dan’s eyes as he sinks back down on Phil’s length, and his gaze darkens. “God, Dan. You look so fucking good.” 

Dan only bats his eyelashes at this, currently unable to speak. He sets to work, stroking the base with one hand as his mouth works the top, but after a couple minutes, Phil is tugging at his hair, pulling him off. “Are you okay?” Dan asks as he pulls away, a string of spit and precome trailing from his mouth to Phil’s leaking cock. 

“Yeah, just- I wanna finger you now.” His cheeks somehow flush from saying this, and Dan’s eyes nearly roll back. Somehow even while they’re in the middle of something so intimate, Phil makes Dan’s heart flutter, his heart filled with affection for his best friend. 

“Yes, fuck, yes.” He lays down, switching positions with Phil so that he’s now kneeling between Dan’s legs. Dan hands him the lube before spreading his legs, his hands gripping onto his thighs to hold himself still. He’s basically vibrating with excitement at this, and he’s surprisingly unbothered by how open and on-display he currently is. 

Phil stares at him for a long moment before lifting his hands to Dan’s legs, slowly working his way up. When he reaches Dan’s inner thighs the younger man inhales sharply, shaking with excitement. “Please,” he whimpers as Phil strokes one finger along his rim, applying no pressure as he does it. 

“What do you want?” Phil asks, and Dan groans. He loved this, Phil gaining the confidence to ask him things and to take the lead. It was sexy as hell. 

“Your fingers. Please.” Dan pushes himself down, chasing the friction of Phil’s finger. 

Phil only smiles, a fond look on his face as he reaches for the small bottle next to Dan. After pouring a liberal amount into his hand and warming it up, Phil shifts, grabbing one of Dan’s legs for leverage as he drops his hand down. “Ready?” He asks, his blue eyes searching Dan’s face for any sign of discontent. 

He wouldn’t find any, because Dan is nodding frantically. He starts to say something, but then Phil is pushing a finger in and he’s gasping. “Oh,” he mumbles, his eyelids fluttering close. 

“Hey,” Phil whispers, slowly drawing his finger out before pressing back in. “Look at me.” 

Dan complies easily, opening his eyes and bringing his gaze to meet Phil’s. He swallows hard at the soft look there, his heart racing. 

Phil only smiles at him, the hand on his leg stroking the skin softly. “I want to see your eyes,” he says softly, his gaze unwavering. 

Swallowing hard, Dan struggles to make a joke. He feels so open and vulnerable with this unwavering eye contact, but he also feels incredibly hot, like he’s on fire. “Is that a kink of yours?” Dan jokes quietly. 

Phil smiles, but shakes his head slowly. “Not exactly...” He slowly presses his middle finger in beside his index finger, and Dan sighs at the burn, pleasure coursing through him. “Charlie didn’t like to meet my eyes when we... but I like it.” He says timidly, dropping his eyes to where his fingers are working, a light pink dusting his cheek. 

Dan frowns at this, bringing a hand up to cup Phil’s cheek, tilting his head to meet his gaze. “Okay. So look at me.”

Phil smiles at this, keeping his eyes locked with Dan’s as he spreads his fingers apart inside the younger man, stretching him open. Dan lets out a soft sigh at the feeling but doesn’t drop his gaze. If this was something Phil had been denied, he was more than willing to give it to him now. 

“You can add another,” Dan eventually murmurs. Phil quirks an eyebrow, but complies easily enough, the third finger pressing in beside the others, causing Dan’s breath to hitch. 

Their eyes stay locked as Phil tilts his head to the side, kissing Dan’s wrist, as his hand is still lightly resting against Phil’s jaw. Dan’s heart swells suddenly, and he feels choked up at the light kisses Phil presses to the fragile skin of his wrist. “Phil,” he breathes, unsure what he even wants, just knowing that he wants him. 

“Ready?” Phil asks softly against the skin, changing the angle of his hand slightly. Dan knows that he’s searching for his prostate, and he shifts his hips, gasping when the tips of Phil’s fingers brush against that little bundle of nerves. Phil smiles, pressing against it more firmly, causing Dan to let out an embarrassing whine. 

“Please, please. I’m ready.” He nearly whines again at the loss of Phil’s fingers, but he knows that it’s only going to get better. 

“Do you have a condom?” Phil asks, pointing to Dan’s nightstand. 

Dan bites his lip in contemplation. He did, but he really didn’t want to use one. He knew he was clean, he got tested after every time he slept with someone, and it had been about three months since the last time he’d done that. “I’m clean,” he breathes out, watching Phil’s face carefully to gauge his reaction. 

Phil nods slowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. He pushes his hair back up into the quiff, looking down at Dan. “I am too. Are you positive about this?” He asks, searching for confirmation one more time. 

Nodding, Dan sits up and brings his hand to wrap around the back of Phil’s neck, his fingers stretching up into the hair on the nape of his neck. “Yes, I’m a hundred percent sure.” He pulls Phil closer to press their lips together, sighing as Phil’s tongue swipes against his bottom lip. 

“Lay down,” Phil murmurs a moment later, pulling away from the kiss. Dan quickly complies, laying back against the pillows and drawing his legs up, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he waits for Phil to get settled. Phil takes another dollop of lube and applies it generously over his bare cock, and Dan’s breath hitches as he watches him stroke himself. “Ready?” 

Dan nods, reaching up to push Phil’s hair back as he shifts, his hard length pressing against Dan’s entrance, a whisper of what’s to come. They lock eyes as Phil slowly, slowly sinks in, inch by inch. Dan can’t help it; his eyes clench shut as he drops his head back as he feels himself being stretched around the thick length and he groans loudly. “Fuck, Phil.” 

A chuckle is heard above him, and then Phil’s hand is pushing underneath the back of his head, lifting gently so that Dan has little choice but to look at him. “You’re so pretty, Dan,” he murmurs, his voice soft and affectionate. 

Dan feels as if he could come right then, just from the affection in his voice. It’s so real and right and fuck, he’s bottomed out and Dan is panting, struggling to fully relax himself around the intrusion. It’d been several months since his last hookup, and this was more than he’d been stretched in a long while. Phil was probably the biggest he’d ever had, so even with the stretching, he was struggling to cope with his size. 

“You okay?” Phil pants, arms shaking as he tries his hardest not to move inside Dan, giving him time to adjust. 

Dan takes a few deep breaths, waiting for the burn to subside considerably before nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He experimentally clenches around Phil, gasping sharply as this causes Phil to buck his hips. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He’s quick to apologize, moving his hand to stroke Dan’s cheek. His other hand slides off Dan’s leg and moves to prop himself up by Dan’s head, and Phil shifts slightly so he’s leaning in closer. “Are you okay?” He says, his tone full of worry. 

Dan hadn’t realized it, but tears were slipping out of his eyes, rolling down the side of his face and crashing to the pillow. He nods, smiling as he reaches up, catching Phil’s hand in his. “Yes, I’m just... I’m a bit overwhelmed, just give me a minute.” 

Phil’s face softens at this, and he leans down, pressing a kiss to the corner of Dan’s eye, his tongue darting out to swipe at the tears there. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” He says softly, repeating the gesture on the other eye. “Do you want to stop?” 

“No!” Dan almost shouts, firmly against the idea. He blushes when Phil’s lips pull up into a smirk but shakes his head. “No, I just need a second. You’re a little bigger than I’m used to, it’s just going to take a second.” 

Nodding, Phil ducks down to press his lips to Dan’s, softly sucking Dan’s bottom lip into his mouth. Dan lets out a soft sound, closing his eyes as he loses himself in the feeling of Phil’s lips on his while he’s buried inside him. Shifting his hips a little, Dan decides he’s ready. 

“Okay, you can move,” he breathes, clutching Phil’s shoulders as the older man pulls out slowly, before pushing back in again. “Ngh-“ Dan grunts, his head falling back. 

Phil doesn’t give him much time to feel guilty about the loss of eye contact before he’s pounding into him, a little faster than Dan would prefer in the moment. He certainly wasn’t against quick and rough, but for their first time he definitely wanted to go a little slower. Hoping that Phil wouldn’t be offended, Dan drags his hands down, gripping Phil’s hips tightly, slowing his movements. “Phil, Phil. Wait.” 

“Is something wrong? Oh, god, did I hurt you?” His voice is full of worry when he halts his movements, and he brings a hand up to Dan’s head, brushing his curls back. 

Dan laughs breathlessly at this, shaking his head fondly. “No, not at all. Just slow down.” 

“Oh.” Phil’s face flushes even darker red, his eyes dropping to Dan’s chest. “I thought it was better-“ he starts, sounding suddenly uncertain. 

Dan shakes his head, dragging his hand up to swipe his thumb across Phil’s bottom lip. He’s shocked and flustered when Phil opens his mouth and wraps his lips around the tip of his thumb, but he tries not to blush too obviously. “I’m not Charlie, remember? We don’t have to go fast for it to be good.” 

Phil releases his thumb and nods, uncertain. “But...” 

“Phil. The goal isn’t to have a fast orgasm, it’s to have a good one.” His hand moves to caress Phil’s jaw, and he smiles when Phil’s cheeks flush, probably at his bluntness. “There’s going to be other times to go fast, alright? Just slow down for right now.” He instructs gently. He giggles when Phil ducks his head, looking embarrassed. “Are you embarrassed right now?” He asks, unable to help himself. 

“Yes!” Phil whines, covering his face. “You’re sitting here talking about sex and orgasms!” He sounds positively affronted, and Dan only laughs harder. 

“Phil, your cock is literally in my ass. I’m not sure how talking about it is all that weird.” He snickers, enjoying this far more than he should. 

“Dan!” Phil shrieks, ducking down to hide his face in Dan’s chest. 

Grinning, Dan runs a hand through his soft black hair, debating with himself. “Sorry,” he mumbles, craning his neck to kiss his hair. “Here, why don’t we try something a little different?” 

At this, Phil perks up, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “What?” He asks slowly. Dan rolls his eyes at his apparent lack of trust, but he wonders if maybe Charlie suggested they try things that he wasn’t in to, or perhaps never suggested anything at all. Dan shudders to think that; he was a firm believer in trying new things and developing many different sexual habits with a partner. But he wasn’t going that far tonight. 

“Roll over,” Dan instructs, lifting himself off Phil’s dick so he can follow his orders. 

Phil does as requested and Dan wastes no time in climbing over him, swinging his legs over Phil’s waist. The expression on Phil’s face is one of surprise, but his eyes darken as Dan reaches back to position him at his entrance. They lock gazes just as Dan sinks down, a broken sound leaving Phil’s lips as he bottoms out. Dan sighs in content, the pleasure of being so full almost overwhelming him. 

“Fuck, Phil. Feel so good like this,” Dan mutters out, slowly lifting himself before dropping back down, causing Phil to hiss out. “Is this okay? I figure- god, Phil....” he pants as Phil shifts his hips up to thrust into him. “I figured this way you’re still technically topping, but I can set a slower pace. Is this-“ his voice breaks off then as he shifts his hips, sending the head of Phil’s cock directly against his prostate. 

“This is perfect,” Phil gasps, his hands trailing along Dan’s thighs, and up to hold his hips. “You feel so good, Dan.” Phil grabs Dan’s hair and gently guides him down to press their lips together, putting a bit of a pause to their movements. Dan moves his hips around in a circular motion, and Phil breaks away, gasping into his mouth. “Fuck, that’s- that’s good.” 

Dan smiles and presses his lips to Phil’s jaw, trailing down his neck. “See? Told you slow was good.” 

“Shut up,” Phil mumbles, catching Dan’s lips again. He keeps moving in slow circles as they kiss, but eventually he pulls away. 

He presses his hands to Phil’s chest for leverage as he begins bouncing slowly on his cock, biting his lip hard to keep an embarrassing moan from slipping out. Phil pants beneath him, running his hands over Dan’s thighs, the blue of his eyes taken over by his blown pupils. “Good?” Dan gasps out in question.

“Yes, god. So good. Fuck.” 

Dan smirks, leaning back slightly to change the angle just a bit. “Never heard you- fuck, right there,” he interrupts himself to whine, unintentionally closing his eyes as his every movement sends Phil pressing directly against his prostate. “Never heard you say that word much before,” he mumbles out. 

“Yeah?” Phil says, his voice sounding choked. “Well, you just feel so fucking good.” If Phil thinks that him swearing turns Dan on, well, he’s right. Dan shakes, so turned on he feels like he can’t even breathe. “Dan, can we… can we flip over? Wanna…” 

Dan nods, his thighs shaking too badly to really keep a steady pace. “Yeah, yeah.” 

A position change and a deep kiss later, and they’re right back to it, but this time Phil is sliding in slow, the drag of his length inside Dan making the younger man whimper in pleasure. It’s slow and deep and good and Dan’s basically choking back tears at how good he feels. Maybe it’s partially due to how long he’s been celibate, but he feels that the main reason it feels so great is because it’s Phil and he’s wanted this for so long. 

“Baby, don’t cry, please don’t cry,” Phil’s murmuring above him, pressing his lips to Dan’s eyes like before. Dan hadn’t even realized he was, he’s just so sappy he can’t even help it. 

“You’re so good, Phil, fuck. Wanted-“ he chokes as Phil thrusts in particularly hard, a moan escaping his throat. “Wanted this for so long.” 

“Me too. Fuck, Dan. I… Can I tell you something?” 

Dan tries to nod, but his head is just rolling around uselessly with the movement of their bodies rocking together, so he groans out, “Yeah, anything.” 

Phil doesn’t say anything for a moment, leaning down and pressing his lips to Dan’s, working against them slowly and gently. The intimacy of what they’re doing floors Dan, and he’s got a very dangerous thought in his head, and he’s relieved that his lips are otherwise occupied at the moment. Phil thrusts into him a few more times, and Dan’s breath hitches as he feels that coil of heat and arousal tightening in his stomach, ready to release. 

“Phil, close,” he gasps against his lips, in hopes that maybe Phil would work towards his own orgasm. So what if Dan was a hopeless romantic and thought it was sweet to finish together? That’s his business. 

“Dan,” Phil chokes out. “I love you. I’m in love with you, Dan,” he sobs, dropping his forehead to Dan’s shoulder. 

Dan’s hips stutter against Phil’s before quickly pushing back against him, his hand winding into Phil’s hair to pull him up to bring their gazes together. “I love you too,” he whimpers as he feels that white-hot pleasure coursing through him. He tries his hardest to keep eye contact as his orgasm washes over him, but he’s helpless against the sensations, and he keens as his eyes screw shut, his dick twitching between them as he comes all over his chest. 

He knows he’s squeezing around Phil, who’s still rocking into him, a little faster now, as he chases his own release. Dan purposefully clenches around him in an attempt to help him along. “Fuck, oh fuck. Oh god, Dan.” His voice breaks and then Dan feels Phil’s release filling him up, his movements not stopping as he fucks himself through it. 

They’re both panting hard when they’ve finished, and Dan idly notices how sweaty they’ve gotten. The air smells like sex, but Dan’s too exhausted and satisfied to care. Phil’s careful, even after his release, and he slowly pulls out of Dan before collapsing onto the bed next to him. Apparently uncaring that Dan’s covered in sweat and come, Phil wraps an arm around his waist and draws him close so they’re laying chest to chest, petting his hair. 

~

After a few minutes, they’ve caught their breath and there’s a silence settled in the room. Dan’s mind is exhausted, but Phil’s words are bouncing around in his head. I love you. Deciding that there’s only one way to know for sure, he tilts his head back to look at Phil’s face. “Hi,” he whispers with a smile when he sees that Phil is already looking at him. 

“Hi,” Phil repeats, a fond smile on his face. 

Dan shifts slightly, so that he’s lying on the pillow, eye to eye with Phil. “Did you mean it?” He inquires softly, glancing down at his hand as he traces patterns on Phil’s chest. “Or did you just say it in the moment, since we were both… you know.” He blushes despite himself at this, mainly due to the context. 

Phil studies him for a second, likely trying to gauge his reaction before nodding slowly. “Yeah, I did.” He pauses, timidly bringing a hand up to Dan’s face, brushing his curls back gently. “Did you?” 

Dan nods, smiling as he ducks forward, pressing his lips to Phil’s. “I’ve been in love with you for about… I dunno, when did you start working with me?” He says, almost joking, but not quite. He really only crushed on Phil at first, because he was cute and sweet, but then he got to know him, and well… he fell fast, that’s for sure. 

Grinning, Phil presses his lips to the corner of Dan’s mouth. “Funny.” He sighs then, a thoughtful look on his face. “I don’t think I realized how much I liked you at first, but then, a couple years ago-“ 

Dan interrupts him then, surprised. “Wait, a couple years ago?” He demands, shocked. “I thought this was a new development for you! Like, I thought this was something you had only just figured out within the last couple of weeks!” 

Phil shoots him a perplexed look, then shakes his head. “No, of course not.” He smirks then, quirking an eyebrow. “Do you think I would have just told you I’m in love with you if this was something I had just figured out?” He asks rhetorically. 

Shrugging, Dan watches his own hand as he trails his fingers up Phil’s chest, dragging them through the light smattering of chest hair there. “I dunno,” he mumbles. “I guess I just figured if you knew you would have said something sooner.” 

A hand comes to grip his chin, and Phil tilts his head so that he can meet his eyes. A serious look is on his face, and Dan gulps. “No, Dan. I’ve known for a couple years that I liked you more than a friend, but it wasn’t until the last year or so that I realized that I was in love with you.” 

Dan shakes his head slowly, finding this a little strange to believe. “But, you were going to marry Charlie,” he says, confused. 

Phil sighs, but shakes his head. He holds up his left hand, and it takes Dan a minute to realize that it’s devoid of the band that had been there for so long. His gaze shifts from Phil’s eyes, to the space where the ring used to be, and then back again, struggling to grasp what this means. Phil smiles sadly, dropping his hand back to Dan’s curls. “I gave him the ring back eight months ago. I told him I wasn’t ready, and he just made me promise that I would marry him eventually, even if we broke off the engagement.” He takes a deep breath then, staring at Dan’s curls as he flattens them and watches them bounce back up. “That’s why we were fighting last week. I told my parents that I wasn’t going to marry him, and my mum called his.” 

Dan’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out in his surprise. They sit in silence for a moment before he finally manages to speak. “Oh,” is all he says. 

Phil’s quiet as he nods. “Yeah,” he whispers. 

They sit like that, in the quiet, for a long time, before Dan finally speaks. “I love you,” he says timidly, unsure if Phil will return the sentiment now that they aren’t currently in the middle of an orgasm. 

Phil smiles at this and presses his lips to Dan’s forehead. “I love you too.” 

A silence settles over them until Dan remembers something. “Do you want to move in with me? I mean- fuck, that probably didn’t sound right. I meant like, since you can’t go back to Charlie’s. Or like, until you find somewhere else, if you want. Which, I don’t mind if you don’t, you can stay here with me-“ Dan rambles, suddenly unsure if he’s crossed a line. He doesn’t want to seem like a clingy girlfriend after they only slept together once. Sure, they’d also admitted that they love each other, but still; he tended to overthink these things. 

Cutting him off effectively, Phil presses his lips to Dan’s firmly. “I’d love that,” he whispers against his lips before swiping his tongue over Dan’s lower lip. 

Dan smiles and returns the kiss with tired enthusiasm, his body feeling weak with fatigue. “Can we sleep now?” He asks, pulling away a little. 

Phil crinkles his nose before glancing down. “Maybe we should clean up first?” He must catch the grimace on Dan’s face, and he rolls his eyes. “I’ll run you a warm bubble bath and we can cuddle in it,” he bribes, raising an eyebrow. 

Dan pretends to consider this, but of course he’s going to accept, he’s not an idiot. He sends up a silent thanks to whatever god there is that his bathroom has a bathtub big enough to fit the both of them, but maybe he should just thank the designers of this flat. “I guess I can cuddle with you in the bath,” Dan sighs, as if it’s the biggest inconvenience ever. 

Laughter bubbles from the older man, who is already getting up and tugging Dan along with him. “Thank you so much for you sacrifice,” he retorts, fond sarcasm coloring his tone.

And sure, maybe some things had changed. Charlie was out of the picture, and Dan and Phil were more than friends now. They both knew where the other stood, and someone it seemed that they were standing in the same place, which Dan figured was a good thing. But at the end of the day, Phil was just the dorky receptionist Dan had fallen in love with all those years ago, and Dan was still just a cocky paper salesman with an affinity for good pranks and cute blue-eyed boys who shared candy with him. So, all in all, not much had changed really.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Follow me @phantasticworks on tumblr for more drabble


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